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[vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh
http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=11857
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Author:  Aaarrrgh [ Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:36 pm ]
Post subject:  [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

Author:  KeeperofManyNames [ Mon Sep 28, 2015 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

I already expressed my appreciation for this in the main thread so I won't say more here. I'm going to vote yea on this, based on that response.

I will however note one thing that might be worth changing:

I read the "your kind" line that OL flagged as confusing properly the first time, but then upon rereading it when OL brought it up I couldn't make head or tails of it. Maybe that was just due to the lack of context, but I seem to be split 50/50 on whether I can parse the line, so if you're still thinking of revising it, that's maybe data that can help you make your decision.

Author:  Aaarrrgh [ Tue Sep 29, 2015 4:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

OK, so I have 1.5 votes for changing that line. Does anyone else have an opinion on it? I'm especially interested in suggestions on how to change it to make it clearer without looking clunky, which is the reason I haven't changed it yet.

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Wed Sep 30, 2015 7:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

So, as I said on the original thread, I think this is a wonderful story, and I'm giving it an enthusiastic "yea!"

Aaarrrgh, if you wanted to tweak that line, you could maybe make it very explicit what Kahr is talking about -- i.e. something like "the last time I met Vedelken such as you, they believed..." Alternatively, if you wanted to stay a bit less literal, you could say something more like: "the last time I met those who look as you do, they believed..."

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

I admit that I didn't have any trouble with that line, but Orcish's suggestions are probably not a bad idea, just to keep things clear.

As I said in the original thread, I like this story, and I really love the philosophical implications of the meeting. I find it very interesting to think about how this interaction would have gone before War of the Wheel, or, in some alternate reality where Kahr had ascended to the throne without having been exiled to Helkavin. It would have gone very differently, I'm sure.

Likewise, I find myself wondering how Tey'von would handle a meeting with the Dual-Walkers. I doubt they would take his criticisms and observations quite so well.

Anyway, I like this story. The only thing I'm not a fan of is the presentation (I like my line breaks, what can I say?) Still, definitely voting "Yea" on this. It's cool to see Kahr get a story that wasn't written by me.

:D

Author:  Aaarrrgh [ Sat Oct 03, 2015 3:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

Well, formatting has never been my strong suit, especially on the forums. It probably should be fixed to have line breaks, I just can't muster up the time and energy to make it look pretty.

Also, can I change that line while the piece is up for vote? I don't know if we have a policy for that kind of thing, I just want to know.

@Raven: Yes, Kahr in his current state is definitely the nicest pretender god in our roster. But don't worry, I plan to examine Tey'von's interactions with some less humble god-walkers in the future. Probably not the Dual-walkers, at least not yet, but something that will show Tey'von a bit further out of his depth.

Author:  razorborne [ Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

Aaarrrgh wrote:
@Raven: Yes, Kahr in his current state is definitely the nicest pretender god in our roster. But don't worry, I plan to examine Tey'von's interactions with some less humble god-walkers in the future. Probably not the Dual-walkers, at least not yet, but something that will show Tey'von a bit further out of his depth.
if you're interested, Vell Voss, the planeswalker currently trying to destroy Ossia, has a habit of visiting random planes and impersonating local trickster gods for fun. she hasn't been featured in any canon M:EM works yet, but she's gonna be in the dossier.

:duel:

Author:  Lunar Mystic [ Thu Nov 12, 2015 8:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [vote][story] The Pilgrim and the Pharaoh

A very nice read, Aaarrrgh.

I very much enjoyed the moral.

Yea

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