No Goblins Allowed
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[Vote] [Story] World Wide Web
http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=11743
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Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Sep 19, 2015 4:24 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote] [Story] World Wide Web

Title: World Wide Web
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public
Word Count: 7968

For the voting week of September 20-27, 2015.

World Wide Web


Note on change

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] World Wide Web

Delighted to vote "yea" on this one! As I said on the original thread, I think it's excellent. And I think that the little alteration weaves in a neat little moment that's just tailor-made for Denner.

Author:  KeeperofManyNames [ Mon Sep 28, 2015 10:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] World Wide Web

I couldn't decide at the time, and I can't decide now, whether I think the shirt scene is interesting or annoying. It's weird because it feels like the kind of titillating fantasy sexuality that I normally sort of find myself rolling my eyes at, and we've got sort of another situation here where Denner is almost the least interesting part of the narrative, but at the same time I think you play the scene as kind of weird and unnerving, to the point where it almost feels a little bit like Cronenberg style freaky monster sexuality? So it's also intriguing to me (though that doesn't help the problem with Denner running into characters more interesting to me than he is, haha).

I almost wonder if you could punch up the visceral nature of that scene on par with the really great scene later with the bloodletting spider? Like that scene is so good because it really highlights both how uncomfortable it is, but also how Denner's read of the situation is biased by his instincts... I feel like Denner's everyman qualities, our response to this kind of creepy crawly horror, and the perception of the events from this nonhuman perspective, are in tension in a fascinating way in that scene that in other places in the narrative don't quite counterbalance each other as successfully.

I also do think, upon reflection, that the other factions at work are a little thinly painted here in a way that sticks out in comparison to the more deeply compelling and alien Nasina. But I also feel like it makes sense that they're so thinly sketched given that this is from Denner's perspective, and he's kind of on a tight schedule here.

Anyway those are the thoughts still bouncing around my head on this story. I haven't really come to a conclusion on whether they're substantive critiques or not, or whether they're just sort of down to taste.

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Wed Sep 30, 2015 10:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] World Wide Web

I couldn't decide at the time, and I can't decide now, whether I think the shirt scene is interesting or annoying. It's weird because it feels like the kind of titillating fantasy sexuality that I normally sort of find myself rolling my eyes at, and we've got sort of another situation here where Denner is almost the least interesting part of the narrative, but at the same time I think you play the scene as kind of weird and unnerving, to the point where it almost feels a little bit like Cronenberg style freaky monster sexuality? So it's also intriguing to me (though that doesn't help the problem with Denner running into characters more interesting to me than he is, haha).

Funnily, I didn't even think about this scene in terms of sexuality per se. I mean, obviously it's there, but for me this was just another moment of Denner's. This is just the sort of thing Denner does, because he's Denner. He's been borderline obsessed with the female form his entire adult life, and whenever he's confronted with what he considers a fine example of one, he tends to get distracted. So basically, I would say I meant that moment as a moment of titillation for Denner, not for the audience, if that makes sense. Otherwise, I would have gotten more descriptive.

I almost wonder if you could punch up the visceral nature of that scene on par with the really great scene later with the bloodletting spider? Like that scene is so good because it really highlights both how uncomfortable it is, but also how Denner's read of the situation is biased by his instincts... I feel like Denner's everyman qualities, our response to this kind of creepy crawly horror, and the perception of the events from this nonhuman perspective, are in tension in a fascinating way in that scene that in other places in the narrative don't quite counterbalance each other as successfully.

The thing with the bloodsucking spider later on was quite probably the moment that made me decide to write the story. I love that scene, and is the crux of the story in terms of the larger, Denner narrative. It also really helps to crystalize Lady Nasina's character. I love the little moment where the spider touches Denner's hand.

I also do think, upon reflection, that the other factions at work are a little thinly painted here in a way that sticks out in comparison to the more deeply compelling and alien Nasina. But I also feel like it makes sense that they're so thinly sketched given that this is from Denner's perspective, and he's kind of on a tight schedule here.

Yeah, this is an interesting thing for Denner, I think. He wants the whole story, which is good, but he doesn't actually care about these people, which is bad. It's very much a baby step of maturation for him, and he doesn't leap forward as much as I or others might necessarily want, but as you say, Denner has other things to worry about here. That probably doesn't justify his lack of compassion, but it certainly explains it.

Anyway those are the thoughts still bouncing around my head on this story. I haven't really come to a conclusion on whether they're substantive critiques or not, or whether they're just sort of down to taste.

I think they're perfectly valid observations. Thank you!

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