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[Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table
http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=10544
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Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Fri Jul 24, 2015 4:33 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table

Title: A Place at the Table
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public
Word Count: 5111

This is for the voting week of 7/26-8/1.

I should point out that, chronologically, this story follows Orcish's "The Rule of Law" and my own "Unmasking at Midnight," so you may choose to take that into account while reading. The "suggested reading order," I think, would be "Unmasking at Midnight,"--->"The Rule of Law"--->"A Place at the Table."

A Place at the Table

Author:  Aaarrrgh [ Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table

Henri is indeed selfish, but he is in so far over his head that I still only feel sorry for him.

Also, highly traditional matriarchal aristocratic basically feudal society? Should we be keeping a lookout for the Duchess around here?

Author:  Lord LunaEquie is me [ Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table

I ended up reading this one first. I didn't realize until afterwards that you say it's the third in the series. Oh well.

These lines catch my attention:
Quote:
But if you help us, Henri. If you become the voice of the revolution and let me be the brain behind it, we can win this war.

I can understand that, since it's dialogue, you can get away with more, grammatically speaking, but I feel that unless you want to point out that she specifically paused between those lines, a comma would do well rather than a period.

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table

I ended up reading this one first. I didn't realize until afterwards that you say it's the third in the series. Oh well.

Sorry. I forgot about that when I first uploaded mine.

These lines catch my attention:
Quote:
But if you help us, Henri. If you become the voice of the revolution and let me be the brain behind it, we can win this war.

I can understand that, since it's dialogue, you can get away with more, grammatically speaking, but I feel that unless you want to point out that she specifically paused between those lines, a comma would do well rather than a period.

That is, in fact, why I used a period. I have a very distinct mental image of her stopping meaningfully there.

Author:  Lord LunaEquie is me [ Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table

These lines catch my attention:
Quote:
But if you help us, Henri. If you become the voice of the revolution and let me be the brain behind it, we can win this war.

I can understand that, since it's dialogue, you can get away with more, grammatically speaking, but I feel that unless you want to point out that she specifically paused between those lines, a comma would do well rather than a period.

That is, in fact, why I used a period. I have a very distinct mental image of her stopping meaningfully there.

Maybe there should be a line to that effect, then? Maybe just a short bit about looking directly into his eyes?

I should probably have looked up what others said in the original thread.

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Story] A Place at the Table

I dunno about that creepy noose lady who shows up in the middle -- I mean, what's her deal?

Other than that, though, this one's a winner!

:D

Yea from moi!

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