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Enter The Hunter into the M:EM
Yea 86%  86%  [ 6 ]
Nay 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
NAI 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain 14%  14%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 7
Total voters : 7
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:35 pm 
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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:43 am 
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Location: Inside my own head
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Typos:
Quote:
It was a small deer, but it was more than good enough, an a larget one would be hard to bring back to town along the route he had taken into the woods.

Should be "and a larger one".

Quote:
Kaja reached up and placed two ingers on the arrowhead, pushing it slightly aside.

Should be "fingers".

Quote:
Ivar smiled slightly. “It will be good to see the north again. How soon can we go.

Missing quotation marks and should end in a question mark.

Quote:
Ivar could count for Ulfr,

Probably supposed to be "four Ulfr".

----

I want to ask about this line:
Quote:
“You’re sure?” Ivar asked, “After… after all I’ve said.”

Is it purposefully ending in a period, or did you mean for that to be a question mark? I can see it as either way.

----

So, I actually quite liked this one. I felt it progressed rather nicely from mystery to horror (at least for Ivar), and I also really liked how it ended (after Ivar transformed back). I need to go back and check the Aralheim guide, because I don't recall mention of the belief of anything like Skoll and that is fascinating to me.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:51 am 
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I've edited those typos, including the one you weren't sure on (which was a typo).

_________________
"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:14 pm 
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I like the story in general. I'm still not particularly fond of the Wolf section, but I thought the rest was quite good.

"Yea."


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:58 pm 
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My goodness, you just killed it with the interaction between ivar and vivianne! it made my heart flutter, dude.

Interestingly, I butchered a deers front-quarters recently! I wasn't looking forward to it at all, but had to.

Rettrborg is such a gross name for a town...lol

lol at "...the creature could not be induced to go farther..."
-And the rest of the paragraph was even funnier! hahahah!

And the next stanza has even more hilarity!
I'd better stop before I die a'laughing.... seeing as how I have a propensity for imagining myself as the main character.

I believe that your plot-twists are an ingral part of the story-telling you do. What better way to say more, with less.

I liked the plot twist. You did well to incorporate it with continuity.

Oh... and the card idea is pretty sweet, too.

Yea.


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