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Alessa's Origins?
Yea 83%  83%  [ 5 ]
Nay 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
NAI 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain 17%  17%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 6
Total voters : 6
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 12:34 am 
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viewtopic.php?f=19&t=2911

So, I finally decided on a name for this piece. The entire thing is a double play, one on Alessa actually having her sight, but the other playing on the popular adage "The past is history, the future a mystery, but the present is a gift."

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 12:12 am 
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I will mainly defer to my comments on the original thread. But the executive summary is that I think this story hits like a ton of bricks, and I will gladly push the "yea" button until my thumb breaks.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 6:55 pm 
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I liked this the first time, and I like it now. I think Wild Card is the best story featuring Alessa, but this is the best Alessa story, if that makes sense. The ending is a real gut punch in all the right ways.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 12:43 am 
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I liked this the first time, and I like it now. I think Wild Card is the best story featuring Alessa, but this is the best Alessa story, if that makes sense. The ending is a real gut punch in all the right ways.

No, it totally makes sense.
Wild Card, for all that Alessa is the narrator, isn't about Alessa. It's about... well, you know.
This is Alessa's story, told in a way totally unique to her. It's much more the character piece than Wild Card, even if Wild Card is a more rounded story.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 6:14 pm 
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Voting yea.

EDIT: This was the unnamed one, and I like the name you chose! An interesting nod at what sort of uses her powers could have, and an excellent look into her character. Out of curiosity, is this before or after Wild Card? Not that it matters much, I was just wondering.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:54 pm 
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My original response to this ran: "Not that I'm complaining, exactly, but is every story of Alessa going to feature a sexual encounter or near-sexual encounter?"

But after finishing the whole story, I feel you provided sufficient reason for it to be in this and, subsequently, every other Alessa story now or upcoming.

When that ending came up, my jaw literally dropped. I love stories like this where the entire narrative just falls into place once you come across the end twist. Yea from I.

Typo (repeated line):
Quote:
“You… came of age around then I take it?” he surreptitiously offered. Her eyebrows rose dramatically and she nodded.

Alessa’s eyebrows rose dramatically and she nodded. “Oh yes. That’s a delicate way of putting it,” she said. “Not like you to dance around the dirty details.” She chuckled, a mischievous smile coming to her lips. Even in the darkness, Alessa thought she could see his cheeks redden.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:15 pm 
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I like this story, and it's still a very clever way for not only an ascension story, but for an ascension itself. "Yea" from me.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:37 pm 
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My original response to this ran: "Not that I'm complaining, exactly, but is every story of Alessa going to feature a sexual encounter or near-sexual encounter?"

But after finishing the whole story, I feel you provided sufficient reason for it to be in this and, subsequently, every other Alessa story now or upcoming.

The chances, as you can see, are pretty likely.
Quote:
When that ending came up, my jaw literally dropped. I love stories like this where the entire narrative just falls into place once you come across the end twist. Yea from I.

Thanks. I'm seriously glad that you liked it because it was fairly tough to pull off, and it makes it feel really satisfying to have a response like this from people.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:43 pm 
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Well it was a perfectly executed Checkov's Gun. You should rightly feel proud at what you accomplished.

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Feel the Warm Fuzzies!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:44 pm 
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Well it was a perfectly executed Checkov's Gun. You should rightly feel proud at what you accomplished.

Agreed. Well done.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:31 pm 
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Well it was a perfectly executed Checkov's Gun. You should rightly feel proud at what you accomplished.

Agreed. Well done.

I was really hoping having that reiteration towards the end and providing that gear shift would cause a strong reaction, but I was always worried it would be too abrupt.
Everybody seems to have picked up on it pretty seamlessly though, so I call that a success.
But MAN it made my head hurt.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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