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Vote in The Deluge at Carakera
Yea: 80%  80%  [ 4 ]
Nay: 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Not As Is: 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain: 20%  20%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 5
Total voters : 5
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 3:46 pm 
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Title: The Deluge at Carakera
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Open (I think this needs to be Open, in case any changes need to be made as we move through the Cabal War storyline to make things fit.)

The only change I've made is fixed the centered title to say "at Carakera" rather than "of Carakera," as I originally intended.

The Deluge at Carakera


Last edited by RavenoftheBlack on Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 6:37 pm 
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I think this is a good addition to the overall Dominia Cabal storyline, a good exploration of the horror of the war from the perspective of a mortal, and a good potential future entry in Minutes to Midnight. Yea.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 5:54 pm 
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"But my memory of their visage now is a clear as a bell."

"But, they are also ruthless, strong, a utterly determined."

"and it sweep the battlefield with tentacles larger than our wall"

--------

Like Keeper, I think this captures the horror of a planeswalker's war perfectly. I love the repeated use of describing the bells as good and bad in the same breath, and how you manage to capture the narrator's confusion and helplessness whenever he tries to think of the bells or his past. It reminds me of Allo's Fortnight in a lot of ways. I like this a lot.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:06 am 
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Octopus walker.

That's... that's really all there is to say on the matter.

Yea.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2014 10:25 pm 
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Octopus walker.

That's... that's really all there is to say on the matter.

Yea.

OhMyGog.

Why didn't I think of that when I was reading it?


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:50 pm 
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It took me a while to get to this, but it was worth the wait. It's wonderful! (Unsurprisingly.) And I also think it's a very good example of unreliable narration done well. The style is done perfectly, and you get a very strong sense of being present while Jonak struggles to piece his memories together in real time. It's like I can see him rubbing his head and looking up at the ceiling as he pauses, trying to fit the pieces back together.

A cheerful "yea" from me!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:53 pm 
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@Lord Luna: I went ahead and fixed those errors. Thanks! It's funny you mentioned my descriptions of the bells. I'm always amazed/amused at the things that come about naturally just in the process of writing. That way of describing the bells was nothing I had planned, it just happened once while I was writing, and I liked it, and ran with it. I'm glad it worked!

@Ruwin: :D

@Orcish: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I had some fun with Jonak's confusion, and exploring the long-term effects of the bells. It makes me wonder just what those merfolk actually look like...and for that matter, how do we know Jonak has the order of events correct? Who really DID attack first, I wonder...


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