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| door writes http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=8199 |
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| Author: | rstnme [ Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: door writes |
I read the whole thing. There are no dragons, and no pirate monsters. I was very sad. Overall it's good but kinda inert. Watch your comma usage, and your verbs. Like, you have someone putting weed into a bowl with her thumb instead of thumbing weed into a bowl, or you describe hearing rap bass through the walls where you could just make the rap bass the subject's sentence and have it pulse through the walls. I like the narrative asides, like where the main character notices he has to touch a lot of people to get somewhere. |
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| Author: | Ragnarokio [ Tue Aug 29, 2017 12:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: door writes |
that was a poem i wrote in memorial of door (dooooooooooor), may he finally escape his past |
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