Sorry, have to take this down, as I'm finally done editing and will begin submitting to agents and such. Hope the viewers who didn't comment enjoyed it!

It's really hard to make a review based in just one chapter and I am not a professional reviewer, just a person who reads a lot (books and reviews), but I will try to say my point of view. Don't be mad at me if I say something you don't like.

First, after reading many critics reviews, I know that writing in the first person is dangerous, because you will need much more skill and a really good character to keep readers motivated.

Second, I think that it is better to spend the first chapter describing the main character or the setting, rather than going straight to the supernatural without any explanation.

Third, a transparent body is a really hard thing to miss. It really kills my interest, however it may appeal to young readers though.

Thanks for reading it! I've got thick skin, so be as harsh as you want

So it's not clear that Hisoka only became ghostly when the sun rose?

It seems he was transparent since the beginning, but she only noticed it later. At least in my understanding.

Gotcha, I'll have to make that clearer. Thanks again!

Getting the first 4 chapters workshopped tomorrow. Should be interesting.