Thanks for reading it! I've got thick skin, so be as harsh as you want
So it's not clear that Hisoka only became ghostly when the sun rose?
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| [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=2624 |
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| Author: | rstnme [ Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project |
Sorry, have to take this down, as I'm finally done editing and will begin submitting to agents and such. Hope the viewers who didn't comment enjoyed it! |
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| Author: | True_Believer [ Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project |
It's really hard to make a review based in just one chapter and I am not a professional reviewer, just a person who reads a lot (books and reviews), but I will try to say my point of view. Don't be mad at me if I say something you don't like. First, after reading many critics reviews, I know that writing in the first person is dangerous, because you will need much more skill and a really good character to keep readers motivated. Second, I think that it is better to spend the first chapter describing the main character or the setting, rather than going straight to the supernatural without any explanation. Third, a transparent body is a really hard thing to miss. It really kills my interest, however it may appeal to young readers though. |
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| Author: | rstnme [ Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project |
Thanks for reading it! I've got thick skin, so be as harsh as you want So it's not clear that Hisoka only became ghostly when the sun rose? |
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| Author: | True_Believer [ Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project |
It seems he was transparent since the beginning, but she only noticed it later. At least in my understanding. |
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| Author: | rstnme [ Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project |
Gotcha, I'll have to make that clearer. Thanks again! |
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| Author: | rstnme [ Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Fiction] Title Undecided - First Chapter - YA/Teen Urban Fantasy Project |
Getting the first 4 chapters workshopped tomorrow. Should be interesting. |
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