Okay, I have read this and I do have a few comments. As always, keep in mind that these are my opinions, and the opinions of others may vary.

Firstly, I think your overall writing style is good. I found the piece engaging, and I think you handle dialog well (with one major exception which I'll discuss in a moment.) You seem to have a pretty good command of sentence variance, and while this piece is fairly short and I don't think we've seen quite enough of Vorpix to make a decision about him as a character yet, I do like a lot of elements you have included for him so far. I thought you handled the action scene well, and there was nothing in this that "lost" me. I was able to follow along just fine, which is good.

As Barinellos noted in the character thread, the use of Lorwyn/Shadowmoor is a problem, for a few different reasons. Firstly, there is some concern as to whether or not the Fae of Lorwyn are even capable of having a planeswalker's spark. Even if they can, Faeries of Lorwyn are sort of like fruit flies. They live, like, three days or something. Okay, well, it's longer than that, but the flavor text of cards like Bosk Banneret and Faerie Trickery indicate they are short, so Vorpix would probably be dead of old age by now. More than that, VERY few beings on Lowryn were aware of the changes the Aurora brought.

So personally, I would consider Barinellos's suggestion of constructing a new plane where Vorpix can be from, one that has fae who are similar to those on Lorwyn, but that allows you to do things more like what you are trying to do. Be sure to give them some distinct differences, of course, but other than that, I like the character itself.

Bant is another potential issue. Personally, I mostly try to steer clear of canon planes, or, if I do use them, I make sure to use them on very, VERY small scales, things that wouldn't be noticed on a grand scale, because those are the sorts of things that can get screwed over by official canon if Wizards decides to revisit the plane or make something or another canon. Now, I'm no expert on Bant, so I can't say where this use of Bant falls into that, but it's just a warning you should be aware of, particularly if you are interested in the M:EM.

The last thing I want to mention is your use of dialect with the Rhox. I have personally found that it is rarely a good idea to write dialects unless there is a very good reason. Now, like I said, I'm not strong on Bant, but just speaking personally, this is not the way I envision Rhox warrior monks speaking. And even if it were, I wouldn't need the written dialect to get that. I personally advise just writing the Rhox's dialect normally, and allowing voice tags and word choice to bring his voice to live.

So anyway, overall, I like your style, but not a lot of the specifics, if that makes sense.

Thanks for posting, and I hope to see more of your stuff around here!