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[Story] The Fine Print http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=6855 |
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Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:25 pm ] |
Post subject: | [Story] The Fine Print |
Greeting, beautiful mutants! Presented for the approval of the Midnight Society, I offer a new short story, titled "The Fine Print." This one takes place on Phostus, one of Barinellos's fine worlds. (And one which is currently up for a vote! So, if you haven't done so yet, I'd recommend taking a gander at the guide. It has gargoyles in it!) A big thanks goes out to the good Barin, for giving me a planar brain dump and offering very good notes on the initial drafts of the story. Also, a big hat tip goes to Raven as well, for reasons which will probably become apparent, but which I will remain mum about for the time being. As ever, any thoughts, suggestions, or criticisms are most welcome. And, as ever, I very much hope that you will enjoy reading.
The Fine Print
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Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:59 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
Curse you, Orcish, and your ridiculously prolific story output! Here you go, posting a brand new story, while I'm struggling just to write the several thousand words of WotW's chapter 31! This just isn't fair! Anyway, I look forward to reading this, as soon as I finish chapter 31... |
Author: | Barinellos [ Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:01 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
RavenoftheBlack wrote: Curse you, Orcish, and your ridiculously prolific story output! Here you go, posting a brand new story, while I'm struggling just to write the several thousand words of WotW's chapter 31! This just isn't fair! Anyway, I look forward to reading this, as soon as I finish chapter 31... I take credit for my excellent motivational techniques. |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:21 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
RavenoftheBlack wrote: Curse you, Orcish, and your ridiculously prolific story output! Here you go, posting a brand new story, while I'm struggling just to write the several thousand words of WotW's chapter 31! This just isn't fair! Anyway, I look forward to reading this, as soon as I finish chapter 31... I'm looking forward to Chapter 31, so the looking-forwarding is mutual, good sir! Barinellos wrote: I take credit for my excellent motivational techniques. Barinellos makes it sound tough, but the fringe benefits aren't that bad, actually. For example, you get a smoke break if you catch fire. And, if you die, you get time off to attend your funeral! |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Oct 28, 2014 4:35 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
Oooh, I like this a lot! Let's spoiler-box this up a bit, so as not to, um, not do that, I guess.
Spoiler
But yeah, very good stuff. Thanks for posting! |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:02 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
@ Raven -- Thanks so much for reading, sir! I'm glad that you enjoyed the story!
Thoughts In Which the Raven Gets Quoth'd
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Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:29 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
Funnily, I somehow missed the hat tip to me in your intro. I guess I was focused too much on The Fine Print! Well, I'm glad some good came from that bizarre experiment. And hey, I did encourage people to write more endings for that thing with different people, so if you feel like writing one for Tryst, go right ahead! As for Tryst's problem, there certainly do exist possible solutions to it, so it will be interesting to see if she manages to hit upon any of them. There are two in M:EM canon that spring immediately to mind, and one more that was presented some months back, but is not canon. Hmm. |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:39 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
RavenoftheBlack wrote: Funnily, I somehow missed the hat tip to me in your intro. I guess I was focused too much on The Fine Print! Zing! RavenoftheBlack wrote: Well, I'm glad some good came from that bizarre experiment. And hey, I did encourage people to write more endings for that thing with different people, so if you feel like writing one for Tryst, go right ahead! It's certainly interesting to think about. There are a lot of different ways I can imagine that encounter going, ranging from a very emotional tea party to a kidnapping... RavenoftheBlack wrote: As for Tryst's problem, there certainly do exist possible solutions to it, so it will be interesting to see if she manages to hit upon any of them. There are two in M:EM canon that spring immediately to mind, and one more that was presented some months back, but is not canon. Hmm. Yeah, I've been thinking about that. If Illarion Vale ever wanted to make a friend for life, for example, then I know just the plane for him to visit. Somehow, though, I suspect that the mutliverse won't throw up that convenient a solution. At least, not without some bumps along the way. But it's a very interesting encounter to imagine. The other 'walker who it struck me might have a very interesting interaction with Tryst is Kimberley. Given her own personal history, I very much wonder what Kimberley would make of Tryst. |
Author: | RuwinReborn [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:21 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
I have both read and enjoyed this. Thanks for posting, Orcish! |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Thu Oct 30, 2014 9:23 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
RuwinReborn wrote: I have both read and enjoyed this. Thanks for posting, Orcish! Thanks for reading, Ruwin! I'm very glad you enjoyed the story! |
Author: | Barinellos [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 2:30 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
So I felt I should comment in public about this. I mean, you know I've read it like... 3 times, but I wanted to see what the final draft actually came out to be. Aside from that, there was a comment thrown out somewhere else that sort of tickled my imagination, and this was very much in line with the thought that sort of snuck in.
Spoiler
Anyways, naturally, I think Tryst is a fascinating addition to our roster for a few different reasons and seeing how she'd interact with some of the roster at large.... and particularly some of the other walkers known to traffic on Phostus. Also, the idea of spiritual economics makes me think of the other walkers we have that deal in trade... and now I'm just seeing a bar out there somewhere that they all go to drink and network at. Fisco, Tryst, the monger I don't have a name for yet... Anyways, economics. Remember kids, buy low, sell high. And now I'm thinking of the amusement of having interplanar soul exchange rates and trading from saturated markets. |
Author: | chinkeeyong [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 8:40 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
This is a fantastic, fantastic story. The double-deal, the sympathetic protagonist, the thought-provoking premise - it all weaves together into a darkly fascinating exploration of our hubris. I love it. |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Fri Nov 07, 2014 2:19 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
@ Barinellos -- Thanks again for all your help in putting this all together, Barin! I'm really happy with how the story turned out, and you had a lot of really great suggestions. Barinellos wrote:
Spoiler
Spoiler
Barinellos wrote: Anyways, naturally, I think Tryst is a fascinating addition to our roster for a few different reasons and seeing how she'd interact with some of the roster at large.... and particularly some of the other walkers known to traffic on Phostus. I'm really delighted that she seems to have piqued people's interest. Barinellos wrote: Also, the idea of spiritual economics makes me think of the other walkers we have that deal in trade... and now I'm just seeing a bar out there somewhere that they all go to drink and network at. Fisco, Tryst, the monger I don't have a name for yet... Anyways, economics. Remember kids, buy low, sell high. And now I'm thinking of the amusement of having interplanar soul exchange rates and trading from saturated markets. I think interplanar soul arbitrage is something Tryst would pay keen attention to. I can totally imagine the soul market crashing -- that would give a whole new meaning to Black Friday. Except, instead of the apocryphal stories about ruined traders jumping out of windows, I can imagine the traders getting flayed alive by demons, when it turns out that they were speculating on margin, and don't have enough souls in the bank to make their creditors whole. And I can imagine Tryst watching it all go down, and saying to herself: "That's why I never take physical possession. I'm just an intermediary -- it's much safer that way." (Although, if she ever did wind up actually having some of those souls in her possession, that could be the beginning of a story...) @ CKY -- Thanks so much for reading and commenting, CKY! I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story. chinkeeyong wrote: The double-deal, the sympathetic protagonist, the thought-provoking premise - it all weaves together into a darkly fascinating exploration of our hubris. Thank you for the very kind comments! I think that hubris is a great word here. I think that Tryst understands sin, and weakness, and hubris at a very intimate level -- she knows how to recognize those things, and she preys on them. (While I really like Tryst, and I do have a lot of empathy for her, I also don't want to whitewash or defang her. She is a predator. Even though she is less of a predator than she clearly could be, and even though the people she preys on get something very valuable in return, she is still a kind of predator.) But part of the reason she is so intimately familiar with sin, and weakness, and hubris is that she has been in that situation herself, and she knows firsthand how it can drive you to make a very painful mistake. So, while I think she has little empathy for most of her clients (not all, mind you, but most), and while she doubtlessly treats them as a means to an end (again, regardless of however worthy that end may or may not be), I think she is also very sincere in wanting to give them the best possible representation she can. For professional reasons, obviously -- reputation and trust are absolutely vital, so she needs her clients to get value from their transactions. But I think she also believes that, if these people are determined to damn themselves, then she can and should help them to avoid the sort of mistake she herself made. I wouldn't call it noble, exactly, but it does offer a glimpse of what makes her different from the demons. EDIT: Actually, that could be the seed of another story right there. It would be interesting to see how she would approach a transaction where the client was someone less venal and odious than the Councilor -- someone who Tryst really did empathize with. |
Author: | Lord LunaEquie is me [ Sat Nov 08, 2014 1:31 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
I guess I'll preface this by saying I loved it. With minimal detail you really painted a picture of Tryst and the councillor, and Tryst herself is an excellent and intriguing character. I can just imagine Tryst keeping, very much on purpose, reaching into the low-cut cleavage of her dress in order to pull the black book out. Now, I want to say that my first instinct when I read "Tryst" was that Raven was rubbing off on you, though you kind of made that clear before the story started. Having a demoness (and I know she's not a demon but the visual cues remain largely the same) named Tryst is kind of... obvious maybe? I was tempted to roll my eyes at first, but when I got to the end I had that "Oh" moment when it clicked and I felt that the name was perfect for the character. Speaking of the end, my mind immediately went to the multi-ending story experiment Raven did those months ago, but I was unsure if it was intentional or just seemed to line up well with it. After reading the comments I see that it kind of was. Forgetting for a moment the relationship between those stories, I found the relationship between the characters here really moving. I was slightly lost at the beginning of the scene change, but the way you handled it was masterful. Almost immediately I begin to feel for Tryst, to root for her and hope she gets her own happy ending. Rewinding a bit, and taking a bit of the comments into account, it was my impression that Tryst has been on Phostus for a long time, unwilling to leave her daughter alone on the plane, and that, by extension, her black book has a larger number of Phostian-native demons and that's why it was a Phostian demon that won the deal. I imagine her demonic contacts are varied, but that, by number, Phostus has the most slots in her book. Simply my impressions on it. I did absolutely love the visuals of the deal, though -- I could picture the scene playing out in a movie: the room growing darker, the pages flipping back and forth on their own as glimpses of text glowed and flashed, a cacophony of demonic voices filling the room until, finally, everything stopped and the book stayed open to one page, which glowed with iridescent lettering the name of the contact who won out the contract (the opposite page completely blank). |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:31 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story] The Fine Print |
@ Luna -- Thanks so much for reading and for commenting! I'm really glad you enjoyed the story! Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: I guess I'll preface this by saying I loved it. With minimal detail you really painted a picture of Tryst and the councillor, and Tryst herself is an excellent and intriguing character. Many thanks for the kind words. I had a lot of fun doing this one. Tryst emerged from a very simple premise (could you get help from a skilled intermediary if you wanted to sell your soul, and what sort of person might do that job?), and I was actually kind of pleasantly surprised at how she grew out from that premise into someone who surprised and interested me. So I'm really thrilled that other people have found her similarly interesting. Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: I can just imagine Tryst keeping, very much on purpose, reaching into the low-cut cleavage of her dress in order to pull the black book out. Yeah, I think that's very much on purpose. I think there are certain trappings which people expect from someone like her, and I think she is committed to playing the role she needs to play in order to get her job done. Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: Now, I want to say that my first instinct when I read "Tryst" was that Raven was rubbing off on you, though you kind of made that clear before the story started. Having a demoness (and I know she's not a demon but the visual cues remain largely the same) named Tryst is kind of... obvious maybe? I was tempted to roll my eyes at first, but when I got to the end I had that "Oh" moment when it clicked and I felt that the name was perfect for the character. I'm glad that you feel that way. Your reaction is sort of the one which I was hoping that people might have. I think the initial tendency is to think fiend = temptress/corruptor, or something along those lines, and I suspect that's the reaction that people who meet her have. But I think her name actually comes from a different, darker place, which I hope we kind of get a little glimpse of as the story goes on. And, if that means that people start to think about her name in a different frame, then I'm really happy with how the story turned out. Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: Speaking of the end, my mind immediately went to the multi-ending story experiment Raven did those months ago, but I was unsure if it was intentional or just seemed to line up well with it. After reading the comments I see that it kind of was. Yeah, that was definitely an influence. I always thought that story (stories, really) was very evocative, and it really came flooding into my mind when I realized that Tryst had put her daughter into an enchanted sleep. It's not supposed to be an in-canon connection, but I absolutely wanted to nod in that direction. Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: Forgetting for a moment the relationship between those stories, I found the relationship between the characters here really moving. I was slightly lost at the beginning of the scene change, but the way you handled it was masterful. Almost immediately I begin to feel for Tryst, to root for her and hope she gets her own happy ending. Again, I'm really glad that you felt like the story worked in that regard. Like you said, it's a very sharp cut between the two sections, and I kind of wanted it to be a little bit disorienting at first. Tryst is the bridge between the two sections, but the contexts are so different, I was hoping that it would make people pause for a second and think: "Wait, what's going on now? Why is this character suddenly behaving so differently?" Then, as we pull back, and the story reveals a little more, I was hoping that people's perceptions of Tryst would be challenged a little bit. She's certainly no saint, but, whatever else she may be, she cares about her child. And, whatever Tryst herself may or may not deserve, she believes that her daughter deserves a chance at a better life, and I certainly found myself rooting for that, too. Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: Rewinding a bit, and taking a bit of the comments into account, it was my impression that Tryst has been on Phostus for a long time, unwilling to leave her daughter alone on the plane, and that, by extension, her black book has a larger number of Phostian-native demons and that's why it was a Phostian demon that won the deal. I imagine her demonic contacts are varied, but that, by number, Phostus has the most slots in her book. Simply my impressions on it. Oh, definitely. I don't know exactly how long Tryst has been on Phostus, but it has definitely been some time. It's hard to say exactly how long, precisely because she has been using black magic to keep both her and her daughter from growing older, but it has clearly been long enough for her to get to know the plane and its denizens intimately, and to conduct a lot of business there. So you're totally right to think that she has many more demonic contacts on Phostus than anywhere else, and I suspect that the vast majority of her deals are done there. When Tryst does leave the plane, I suspect that she doesn't leave for long. As well-protected as her daughter may be, I assume she is very uncomfortable leaving her child alone. Lord LunaEquie is me wrote: I did absolutely love the visuals of the deal, though -- I could picture the scene playing out in a movie: the room growing darker, the pages flipping back and forth on their own as glimpses of text glowed and flashed, a cacophony of demonic voices filling the room until, finally, everything stopped and the book stayed open to one page, which glowed with iridescent lettering the name of the contact who won out the contract (the opposite page completely blank). Barinellos deserves all the credit for that. The little black book as demonic rolodex/grimoire was completely his idea, and it really gave a ton of character to the way that Tryst essentially auctions off the soul. And I think the visual component of the spell probably impresses the clients. Which, again, I suspect is very beneficial from Tryst's perspective. |
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