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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 3:22 am 
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Alright well time to jump into the deep end, so they say. So here we have a the first and often the loudest of the Planeswalkers that have been rattling around in my head. His backstory and perhaps and actual story will be coming soon, however for now here what i currently have of his dossier. But don't let the fact that this dossier is "in progress" stop you from checking it out and dropping some feedback/questions if you have them. I have also posted some notes as well a changelog at the bottom for those of you that are into that sort of thing.

Name: Phelix Artannis
Colors: :r::w:
Current Status::planeswalker: :diamond:
Type: Male Human Planeswalker :planeswalker:

Appearance
Phelix is a human is his mid twenties, standing tall at 6’3. He has rust colored hair, that he keeps cut short and vibrant golden eyes. He has a healthy tan due to his pre-ascension and per-revolutionary vocation in manual labor and gladiatorial combat (see backstory for further details). His body his well muscled and has several scars though most are often hidden by his clothes.
He dresses more for functionality than style and it does vary depending on the plane he is on however he does have one staple of his wardrobe that is often seen on him on most planes he visits, a baloth leather longcoat he picked up on the first place he ‘walked to (Jakkard)


Personality
Those that have met him often describe him as brash, confident,sarcastic. He speaks his mind and rarely holds back what he thinks. Having survived one event where he believed that he would die with his spark igniting, it has left him with a drive to seek out challenge. This has often lead him to be drawn to “impossible” causes and seemingly unbeatable foes and monsters, giving a reckless edge. This edge has often lead those that meet him to assume he has rather low intelligence. This is not the case has he has a fine mind for strategies and tactics but he is more fond of guerrilla tactics and is a big believer in the philosophy that actions speak louder than words . To those whose actions show friendship and fealty, they will find no better friend, but those that whose actions show treachery and means to do him harm, they will find no worse enemy.

He has low tolerance for those that use their power to oppress others, this manifests in many ways ranging from being openly flippant to authority figures to the downright contempt he has for those that try and force something upon him, all the way to the open hatred he has for slave traders and their ilk. On the other side of the coin, he has a great deal of empathy for the oppressed and downtrodden. He will help them, though he often does so by teaching them to defend and stand up for themselves rather than being an continuous protector.

Due to his plane being one where humans were an oppressed minority, he secretly harbors a healthy suspicion and mistrust of most other species with one notable exception:minotaurs. Though whether it was because of his fondness for the first person to teach him about his magic or because minotaurs on the various planes often mirror his more direct attitude it remains to be seen.

Powers

Phelix is a skilled kinetomancer, using his mana to manipulate and absorb the inherent energy of movement and the body.

He can channel mana inward in order to increase his speed and strength, He can also release the kinetic energy out in blasts of kinetic force. This kinetic energies however do not react well with inanimate objects or artifacts. A small infusion can cause the object to shatter a larger can cause a structure to crumble. He can even store these energies and then use them to channel the energies into the ground and back out to create a seismic wave. On a more defensive note he can form various kinetic barriers. Ranging from singular ones around his person to absorb and redirect physical blows or a more large scale barriers to shield multiple people or to defend from projectiles both physical and mystical in nature. He can even use his kinetic absorption to knock his opponents off balance or trap them behind a sphere of their own kinetic energies.


Backstory

history


notes and changelog


Last edited by Coyote King on Tue May 19, 2015 3:07 am, edited 9 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 4:21 am 
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Welcome to No Goblins Allowed, Coyote! I'm not part of the M:EM myself, but I always enjoy reading about new characters and settings.

First off, I like the notion of throwing around raw magical energy. "X-mancy" usually uses Greek roots, so the word you're looking for is "dynamomancy" or similar - and that sounds pretty cool! I can see this guy as a Human Torch analogue, throwing massive glowing energy blasts at things and creating living elementals of light to smite his enemies.

My main concern with this character is that he comes off as too perfect. In writing, characters that have no flaws whatsoever or heavily downplayed flaws are known as "Mary Sues": they make stories boring, because they never face any problems that they can't overcome. In your description, you've painted Phelix in a very positive light. Even traits that could potentially get him into trouble, such as his zeal and impulsivity, are glossed over. It's true that some characters work despite their lack of flaws - Batman comes to mind. I'm just worried that you've created a character that is cool to think about, but doesn't actually make for interesting stories to tell.

Another concern about this character is that he kind of lives in a vacuum. You haven't concepted any allies or enemies for him, or outlined his goals at all. While I understand you haven't finished the writeup yet, I think character bonds are something that you should focus on more. A character by itself is all well and good, but the relationship of that character with the rest of the Multiverse is what stories are really made of.

My suggestion is to think about Phelix and consider what kind of story he wants to be a part of. Do you want him to be a pulp hero, blasting corrupt authority figures and saving the day (as your writeup so far implies)? Then you should think of a major villain for him to be in conflict with, or some major social injustice that he needs to correct. It's things like this that turn a character from a name and a face to someone who can carry a story on his own.

Good luck with your writing!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 1:43 pm 
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I'm a little sketchy on how energy manipulation as a class of magic use works in Magic since... literally all magic is based on the manipulation of mana. It'd be good to clarify that.

This guy has a fun sort of Shojo Protagonist air about him that I like quite a bit. He seems like you could put him to good use for some fun stories.

I do agree with CKY that he seems a little flawless at the moment.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 1:55 pm 
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Another concern about this character is that he kind of lives in a vacuum. You haven't concepted any allies or enemies for him, or outlined his goals at all. While I understand you haven't finished the writeup yet, I think character bonds are something that you should focus on more. A character by itself is all well and good, but the relationship of that character with the rest of the Multiverse is what stories are really made of.

My suggestion is to think about Phelix and consider what kind of story he wants to be a part of. Do you want him to be a pulp hero, blasting corrupt authority figures and saving the day (as your writeup so far implies)? Then you should think of a major villain for him to be in conflict with, or some major social injustice that he needs to correct. It's things like this that turn a character from a name and a face to someone who can carry a story on his own.

There are definitely characters that he could interact with in the archive, but we run into a new problem there, in that most all of the ones that would have a meaningful interaction with him are also.... well beyond his league, and given the way his character is currently structured, we don't really have any indication that he would respond well with to not being able to overcome those characters.

It's a good start to a character, but he does still need some work. We know what he's like when he's in control of a situation, but not really when he's out of his comfort zones and unable to cope like he's used to.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 3:31 pm 
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So the word you're looking for is "dynamomancy" or similar

New word of the day, sweet!

My main concern with this character is that he comes off as too perfect. In writing, characters that have no flaws whatsoever or heavily downplayed flaws are known as "Mary Sues": they make stories boring, because they never face any problems that they can't overcome. In your description, you've painted Phelix in a very positive light. Even traits that could potentially get him into trouble, such as his zeal and impulsivity, are glossed over. It's true that some characters work despite their lack of flaws - Batman comes to mind. I'm just worried that you've created a character that is cool to think about, but doesn't actually make for interesting stories to tell.

Another concern about this character is that he kind of lives in a vacuum. You haven't concepted any allies or enemies for him, or outlined his goals at all. While I understand you haven't finished the writeup yet, I think character bonds are something that you should focus on more. A character by itself is all well and good, but the relationship of that character with the rest of the Multiverse is what stories are really made of.


I'll be the first to admit that I tend to be writer of the show don't tell school, preferring to let the actual stories that their in reveal thier traits and flaws more than writing them all down, to that end it's why the personality sections have always been a difficulty for me on the first pass, however I'm hoping the backstory and subsequent short story I'm coming up with involving him (which I'll probably post with the profile) serve as two fold a) a way for those looking at him to get a better sense of who he is and what drives him and b) help me chisel the marble block that is his dossier into a more fully formed statue...if you get my odd metaphoric meaning.


I'm a little sketchy on how energy manipulation as a class of magic use works in Magic since... literally all magic is based on the manipulation of mana. It'd be good to clarify that.

The way I see it is while other use the mana to channel it into something (ie fire, summoning, giant evil black clouds of death), his is literally taking the raw energy and forming it into things. While this makes powerful explosions, it is also what makes it unstable and why any elemental he forms out of the stuff are the kind that are going to dissipate after a "turn" and why any of the orbs and/or walls he make require some amount of his direct manipulation to not just destabilize immediately. Thought it had made that come acrosss in the powers section, but if you have any ideas how i may make that come across clearer, by all means let me know.

Thanks for the feedback all!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 11:55 am 
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Liking this concept thus far. I'm still a bit unclear in regard to his dynamancy, but I'm sure a story will clear that up.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:48 pm 
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Ok, I think I get what you're going for with the energy stuff a bit better. It might just be me being dense; that's always a possibility.

It's sort of like Green Lantern powers, yeah?

Excited to see you develop this further.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:01 pm 
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Hey, yeah, actually, this guy could be pretty cool. I'd love to see a story featuring him.

Name's evocative and reminds me of Starcraft, so that's two points for him.

I'm not sure I agree with Barinellos' assessment of our archive's characters being "out of his league" - at least as far as those whom Phelix would interact with most favorably. That seems a bit unfair, really. A character with this sort of dynamic seems like they would interact favorably with the vast majority of our more good aligned characters - Kahr, Beryl, Jinsen, Larasa, Morgan, Daneera, and Kimberley all strike me as the sort of people whom he would interact positively with.

Negatively, interesting match-ups would be with Fisco, Kahr (that quadrant vacillation), Lukas, Clade, and Ellia, off the top of my head.

Also, I'm not sure throwing around terms like "league" (comparable to say, "weight class" or "power level") is going to be very helpful to the M:EM in the long run. Should the stars align and their passes cross, even Gruff could take down Zhiran. But most importantly, it takes too much of the focus away from what is REALLY interesting about these characters - their personalities and motivations. All of our characters can kill things, yes, and some are better at it than others. But seeing how the measure up to each other emotionally, psychologically? That's where the real thrill is, in my opinion.

Some people are violent by nature. Many are not. Not even Ellia kills everyone she meets.

Anyway, that tangent aside, what I'm saying is Phelix has some potential, and that I'm glad you posted about him, Coyote. Thanks!

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:16 pm 
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You think he and Lukas wouldn't get along? I mean obv. we don't have a lot to go on yet but I'd think Lukas's whole "kill all the demons" thing would make them natural allies. (By the same token, I can see him and Jinsen not getting along because of the whole coolness vs rashness thiiiiooooh wow it'd be like Jin and Mugen ok this needs to happen now AND ALOISE CAN BE FUU YES I AM SO READY FOR THIS [puts on a kimono; hauls out a set of turntables and some hip hop records])


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 8:54 am 
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Some people are violent by nature. Many are not. Not even Ellia kills everyone she meets.

Okay, this made me laugh. :)

Somehow, I imagine Ellia taking it as a challenge.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:30 am 
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You think he and Lukas wouldn't get along? I mean obv. we don't have a lot to go on yet but I'd think Lukas's whole "kill all the demons" thing would make them natural allies. (By the same token, I can see him and Jinsen not getting along because of the whole coolness vs rashness thiiiiooooh wow it'd be like Jin and Mugen ok this needs to happen now AND ALOISE CAN BE FUU YES I AM SO READY FOR THIS [puts on a kimono; hauls out a set of turntables and some hip hop records])


Ahahaha, jesus. I've seen like, two episodes of Samurai Champloo. The animation was gorgeous but I had no idea what was going on. That disclaimer aside - woudn't it make more sense for Kimberley to be Fuu? Maybe not.

Now I sort of want to watch Afro Samurai again...

Anyway, I don't remember what my thought process with Lukas was? Although I can tell you that I was thinking Jinsen just sort of gets along with everybody who isn't actively committing acts of evil because he can't be bothered to interface with them in any sort of meaningful way.

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Okay, this made me laugh. :)

Somehow, I imagine Ellia taking it as a challenge.


Let's hope not! T_T

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:00 pm 
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You need to watch the show, man. You need to watch it. It's in my estimation a criminally underrated masterpiece and it makes a LOT of sense to watch it as a counterpoint to Cowboy Bebop--they're sort of the same show but exactly the opposite, if that makes any sense. (One's in the past and it's all about the onset of the future, and the other is in the future and it's all about the inescapability of the past)

But yeah anyway I think he and Jinsen would be a pretty interesting couple I mean matchup.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:27 pm 
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You need to watch the show, man. You need to watch it. It's in my estimation a criminally underrated masterpiece and it makes a LOT of sense to watch it as a counterpoint to Cowboy Bebop--they're sort of the same show but exactly the opposite, if that makes any sense. (One's in the past and it's all about the onset of the future, and the other is in the future and it's all about the inescapability of the past)

Oh, it goes further than that, between the counterpoints of jazz and hip hop and even the opposite parallelism of eastern and western influence in terms of the samurai vs the cowboy aesthetic (which as I've explain in the past are actually the SAME THING)

Plus, both of them have a drug episode where everyone gets wasted.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:44 pm 
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Quote:
But yeah anyway I think he and Jinsen would be a pretty interesting couple I mean matchup.


*Narrows eyes*

Nope, this checks out.

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Plus, both of them have a drug episode where everyone gets wasted.


This one. This is the episode I've seen.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:57 pm 
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Yeah, overall, I have nothing negative to say about this character except what you seem to already know, and that's that by the way this dossier is written, he's in danger of being "too good." However, I'm not going to be too concerned about that until I see a story about him to see how he reacts in actual situations.

I think his unique take on magic is somewhat interesting, though again, I don't see a HUGE difference between it and how we understand MTG magic to work. Again, I'll probably have to see it in a story.

Also, I'll be interested to see more about the world he comes from.

Thanks for posting!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:30 pm 
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Funny you should mention the whole "perfect-seeming-till-you-see-them-in-action" thing, Raven, considering that what's probably the defining moment for your self insert character is the story where he kinda has a melt down :D

It's a good illustration of the point, I think.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 3:34 pm 
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Funny you should mention the whole "perfect-seeming-till-you-see-them-in-action" thing, Raven, considering that what's probably the defining moment for your self insert character is the story where he kinda has a melt down :D

It's a good illustration of the point, I think.

That's true, although I will note that Raiker had a air of mystery to him at the beginning where people only had an inkling of what was going on. It was that same breakdown moment that sort of gives his more full reveal.

Nonetheless, it's true.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 3:48 am 
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Hmmm...things went in an interesting way around this thread

Anyway this is Coyote, emerging from the depths of real life to once again dive back into this creation.

The back story is currently undergoing some work of it's own, however to give those of you that, have been kind enough to look into this dossier something new to see I have edited and tightened up Phelix magic, giving it a more focus than it had before and (in my opinion) making for an interesting mage and some interesting magic to play around.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 3:53 pm 
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Hmmm...things went in an interesting way around this thread
Trust me, when I get involved, things get weird.

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Anyway this is Coyote, emerging from the depths of real life to once again dive back into this creation.
Good to see you back.

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PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 1:08 am 
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[quote="Barinellos]
Good to see you back.[/quote]

Thanks!

Also 1st part of the history of Phelix is complete, for those of you that like to peak at things in process, check it out
For those of you that prefer the full story, the next half is in process of being written as we speak. :cool:


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