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Sands [Poem] http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=5854 |
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Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:15 pm ] |
Post subject: | Sands [Poem] |
Here is my latest poem, written at the request, and with the help, of our esteemed and terrifying M:EMperor Barinellos! (If you didn't hear the thunder clap just there, you're doing it wrong.) Enjoy!
Sands
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Author: | KeeperofManyNames [ Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:16 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
This is so great. I love all the short Vasilias stuff happening recently. It's such a great expansion of his character. |
Author: | chinkeeyong [ Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:49 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
Not a fan of the "grains of sand" metaphor. |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:50 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
@Keeper: Glad you liked it! @CKY: Sorry you weren't a fan! |
Author: | RuwinReborn [ Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:12 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
Hey, yeah, that's pretty cool. I imagined a whole bunch of Planes as grains of sand and it was all like, zooming out MIB style. Then I pictured Vasilias as Will Smith and things got weird. I stayed up late last night playing Destiny. Anyway, this was a cool read, but as always, I'm bad at critiquing poetry outside of the apparent. It evoked quite the image, though, so that's a success in my book! |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:41 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
RuwinReborn wrote: Hey, yeah, that's pretty cool. I imagined a whole bunch of Planes as grains of sand and it was all like, zooming out MIB style. Then I pictured Vasilias as Will Smith and things got weird. I stayed up late last night playing Destiny. Anyway, this was a cool read, but as always, I'm bad at critiquing poetry outside of the apparent. It evoked quite the image, though, so that's a success in my book! Thanks, Ruwin! Glad you liked it! |
Author: | Barinellos [ Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:03 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
RuwinReborn wrote: Hey, yeah, that's pretty cool. I imagined a whole bunch of Planes as grains of sand and it was all like, zooming out MIB style. Then I pictured Vasilias as Will Smith and things got weird. I stayed up late last night playing Destiny. Anyway, this was a cool read, but as always, I'm bad at critiquing poetry outside of the apparent. It evoked quite the image, though, so that's a success in my book! You are now imagining an ancient Lich Lord getting jiggy wit it. |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:47 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
Barinellos wrote: You are now imagining an ancient Lich Lord getting jiggy wit it. Somehow, it seems like that might be dangerous for a Lich. Shake it like a Polaroid picture, and you might shake a limb loose or something. Anyway, Raven, I'm always such a huge fan of your poetry, and this is no exception. There's something very evocative to me about the idea of trying to hold on to sand with withered, skeletal fingers (not saying that's literally how Vasilias would look -- it was just the image in my head), and how the absence of real, live humanity makes it impossible. Very neat. |
Author: | KeeperofManyNames [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 9:54 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
...if I ever get some spare time I may need to paint that image... |
Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:38 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
KeeperofManyNames wrote: ...if I ever get some spare time I may need to paint that image... I'm going to choose to believe that the image you are referring to is Vasilias shaking his moneymaker. |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:45 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
OrcishLibrarian wrote: KeeperofManyNames wrote: ...if I ever get some spare time I may need to paint that image... I'm going to choose to believe that the image you are referring to is Vasilias shaking his moneymaker. That was my understanding... |
Author: | KeeperofManyNames [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:06 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum. |
Author: | Barinellos [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:06 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
KeeperofManyNames wrote: Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum. It's Schrodinger's Zombie Cat. |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:10 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
KeeperofManyNames wrote: Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum. I think I can help out here...
Spoiler
You're welcome! (Or I'm sorry, whichever the case may be.) |
Author: | Barinellos [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:20 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
Oof. Just oof. That one really hit you out of nowhere. |
Author: | KeeperofManyNames [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:14 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
I kept waiting for the punchline but all I got was a gutpunch D: |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:18 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
I'm sorry... mostly... |
Author: | KeeperofManyNames [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:20 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
It might be worth reposting that in the long story short thread for the sake of preservation. I think it's definitely as solid as the other entries there. |
Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:23 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
KeeperofManyNames wrote: It might be worth reposting that in the long story short thread for the sake of preservation. I think it's definitely as solid as the other entries there. I'll probably do that. I'm not overly comfortable with microfiction in general (comfortable in the sense of writing it) but I have a few I've thought up over the last couple of weeks that I might post over there fairly soon. I should probably put that Raiker Venn piece in that thread, too, since it sort of kicked off this whole thing. |
Author: | Moonbeam [ Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:33 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Sands [Poem] |
RavenoftheBlack wrote: KeeperofManyNames wrote: Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum. I think I can help out here...
Spoiler
You're welcome! (Or I'm sorry, whichever the case may be.) I really, really, really love this one. I've been thinking for a little bit that with all the micro-fics with Vasilias recently, that it might be a good idea to compile them into a mini-anthology to put up for vote at an undisclosed date. |
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