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[Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=5314 |
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Author: | Tevish Szat [ Tue Aug 12, 2014 12:33 am ] |
Post subject: | [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Direct Sequel to "Before the Dawn". Not sure how long it's going to run. And yeah, this is another slow-paced talky piece out of me like "Lost Things" or "Advent of a Planeswalker" or even "Carrying the Torch".
Part 1
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Author: | Arcades Sabboth [ Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:19 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Nice! This and the one before remind me a little of The City of Ember. The whole time I thought the Lorekeepers did live somewhere in the Fortress, so I guess to me at least that wasn't clear from the previous story. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 1:13 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Part 2
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Author: | Arcades Sabboth [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:18 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Nice. (I am terrible at knowing how to praise something.) Why did the wolf attack? I found 3 typos: "In the night – bright though it was with countless stars and a large [moon], Morgant awoke." "the famgs tore at his flesh" |
Author: | RuwinReborn [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 2:20 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
I am following this, but am declining to comment until I see where it goes. I'm better at reviewing completed works, and this way I can avoid putting my foot in my mouth (too often). That being said, Morgan is adorable (as per usual, methinks). |
Author: | Arcades Sabboth [ Fri Aug 15, 2014 4:33 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
I like that he irrationally wants to hide that he's injured. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Sat Aug 16, 2014 12:14 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Arcades Sabboth wrote: Why did the wolf attack? 1) It was alone. Wolves normally are pack hunters, so a wolf on its own is probably desperate. (Lone Wolf suggests that while I haven't done exhaustive ecological research, this is true enough in Dominia) 2) As evidenced by the lack of signs in the region, humanoids don't come through here often, so the animals of the region have no innate fear of them I feel comfortable leaving the explanation out of the text for now, though. In other news, finished outlining. It looks like this will run 7 parts, though likely more in length like part 2 than the rather long part 1. Not committed to that or any number, but it seems probable. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Mon Aug 18, 2014 1:11 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Part 3
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Author: | Tevish Szat [ Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:14 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Part 4
(that was... shorter than I anticipated.) |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:51 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Part 5
I think the next part will probably be the end of this story. |
Author: | Arcades Sabboth [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:22 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Awkward! Poor Morgan literally has NO CLUE what to say or do. He must be one of the most socially stunted people in the multiverse. editory:
Spoiler
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Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:42 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Tevish, I just want to say really quickly that I am going to read this, despite my extreme negligence to this point. I'm looking forward to it. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:45 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
@Arcades: Near total isolation from living humans during childhood might do that. At least he made the right choice in the end, eh? Edits made. @Orcish: Thanks! |
Author: | Barinellos [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:25 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Tevish Szat wrote: 1) It was alone. Wolves normally are pack hunters, so a wolf on its own is probably desperate. (Lone Wolf suggests that while I haven't done exhaustive ecological research, this is true enough in Dominia) 2) As evidenced by the lack of signs in the region, humanoids don't come through here often, so the animals of the region have no innate fear of them Wolves tend not to attack people unless they detect them as some sort of threat in their territory. A lone wolf is alone for usually one of two reasons, it was either driven out of the pack for one reason or another, or it was too dominant. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:54 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Thank you for the ecological research. If you feel it necessary, I'll change the wolf to a more fantastic creature of similar size and greater aggression. |
Author: | Barinellos [ Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:58 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Tevish Szat wrote: Thank you for the ecological research. If you feel it necessary, I'll change the wolf to a more fantastic creature of similar size and greater aggression. Nah, no real reason to change that I can see. It wasn't meant to be any sort of criticism. It was just knowledge that I had laying around, so I felt it worth it to chime in. Admittedly, I have a small bit more experience with wolves than your average person. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Sat Aug 23, 2014 12:14 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
While you're here, the Monestary is implied to have been likely founded by Zhiran. Do you think it's out of character to have founded an academy somewhere with such a low population/infrastructure? |
Author: | Barinellos [ Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:06 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Tevish Szat wrote: While you're here, the Monestary is implied to have been likely founded by Zhiran. Do you think it's out of character to have founded an academy somewhere with such a low population/infrastructure? Hmmm... nah, probably not out of character. Zhiran tends to think on very long term returns, so low population/infrastructure wouldn't deter him. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:24 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
And the conclusion
Part 6
... Really, this whole thing will probably work better when not split into lots of parts, but I decided at the start I'd call a part cut when I switched PoV. |
Author: | Tevish Szat [ Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:30 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: [Story][Larasa & Morgan] The World at Dawn |
Supplemental Information: Shang Rasoul
Shang Rasoul
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