Cylea was an apprentice, not a full blown Lithomancer, how was she supposed to know that cruxite would react violently when placed to contact with The new mineral her master had presented her with for experimentation? None the less, once she got her bearings straight, and her head stopped pounding, she realized she wasn't in her lab any more. She was....she wasn't sure where she was exactly, all she could see was densely packed trees. The experience was so alien to her, she never knew trees could grow so large, let alone be so many so close together. The sight was, exhilarating, to be honest.
She could barely catch her breath before something whizzed by her ear. When she turned around, she could see where her assailant was, but whomever it was, was heavily obscured by the braches. <Ingenius>, she thought, though that was probably just because trees where she came from were never large enough for people to hide in. She could see it notch another arrow, at which she turned and ran. She was curious about where she was, but was no fool, and would sate her curiosity once she was safe.
Once she was a good distance away, she sat down and checked what supplies she had on her. Magnetic stone for navigation? Check, but she'd doubt it'd help right now. Scrying gems? She only had two or three, so she wouldn't get anything useful out of them until she knew more. Targeter Lens? Check. Blinkstone? Check. Comm crystal? "Of all things I had to leave behind!" she shouted. The noise started something to her right and the movement caught her eye. Whatever it was ducked behind a nearby tree, not like there was anything else to hide behind. She took out her targeter lens and set it to "see-through" to peer around the tree without spooking it again. It was some kind of Snake-folk, but its scales were green instead of black and it lacked a decent hood, or a tall. What struck Cylea as Strangest though was the multitude of arms, twice as many as her own. It was definitely an odd specimen, but clearly not as immediately treating as those she's used to. "Hey, sorry for spookin' ya' there. You can come out now, I won't bite....first." The serpent poked its head out from around the seemingly massive trunk and took a look a Cylea. She could have sworn she saw its jaw drop at the sight of her, a smallish creature standing half as tall as a human covered in reddish brown fur and pointed snout. Curiosity peaked the snake stepped out from behind the tree and took a few steps towards Cylea before stopping itself.
"Wh-what are you?"
"I am Cylea Nitram, an aspiring lithormancer."
"Not who....what?"
"Oh, uh, I'm a Mungus, and terribly lost. Would you be a darlin' and tell me how to get back to the Yirridian Desert?"
"What's a desert?"
Welp, she was severely done over. She knew not of this place and the local knows not of her homeland. She tried asking the first question that came to her mind.
"Well then, perhaps you could help me to the where y'all gather for food and shelter, maybe your people can help me find out where in the dickens I am."
The local's attitude lightened a bit, Cylea seemed friendly enough. "That's an easy one! Your in the Jukai forest. Home of the Orochi."
"Oro-what now? On second thought, how about that whole 'take me to your leader' request of mine?"
"Sure! Maybe you know of one of the other lost-folk we've picked up recently?"
Cylea was at least relieved that this Orochi or whatever it called itself wasn't as hostile as most cobrians back in Yirridia. As they walked she couldn't help but wonder how she had gotten here, did the explosion kill her and this is the after life? Probably not, the after life is supposed to look like whatever one wishes it to, so unless she unconsciously dreamed up this strange place it wasn't plausible. The most likely answer was probably a teleportation effect from the event, except she was trans ported much, much farther then any map has recorded. Flora like this doesn't grow anywhere near Yirridia or the surrounding grasslands, wetlands, volcanic chain, or coastline. After contemplating her predicament for what seemed like a couple hours, she and the currently nameless Orochi arrived at a small village.
"I never did get your name?"
"Yaigi, my name is Yaigi."
"Well Yaigi, I do hope you or your folks can help me with gettin' back home."
At that an older orochi walked up to them. "I am Yusei, Leader and Shaman of this tribe. We are glad to have another gest, but it will be quite some time before we can figure out how to be of any assistance beyond food and board."
Cylea responded, "Well I am certainly grateful for what you are doing, it's a lot more then some of the others around here."
"Ah, yes, that would be a rival tribe of ours. We don't anywhere near each other's villages, but everywhere else is open grounds for the petty feud they insist on. Now come, we are about to eat."
part 2
The feast was great, it was like the great holiday feasts of her home in the desert. But she felt terrible afterwards as she usually does when she makes a pig of herself while eating. With so much food, she just couldn't help but gorge herself. Once her lethargy had worn off enough to walk around the tribe gave her a tour of the village, as if they were used to taking in lost strangers. When the tour finished she shown the gest hut and told that it would be where she would be sleeping until they figure out a way for her to find her home. As soon as she stepped inside she almost had a heart attack from the size of a man sized desert serpent resting in the opposite end of the hut, but her fright dies down as she realizes this wasn't a Cobrian either, still not the right number of limbs, it had only two arms and no legs. One look and Cylea could tell it was just a kid, couldn't be older then just having become an adult. This new snake-folk variant, upon seeing her, almost jumped out of his as well at the sight of her, in nervous tones he spoke, "Please don't eat me, miss fox."
"No need to worry darling, I was just afraid of the same thing. And I ain't no fox, I'm a mungus. My come in?"
"Sh-sure." The rattlesnake-folk relaxed as she approached.
Cylea knelt down beside it. "So, I reckon y'got a name as well?"
"Szetsh."
"Well Serziich, Cersechy, ....sir. From your looks I'm a guessin' y'ain't from around here either?"
"Yes." Szetsh seemed reserved and soft-spoken, slow, deliberate words and few of them; as opposed to the vibrant and frank manner of speech of the orochi. Either he's from a very different culture, something greatly traumatized him, or both. Cylea couldn't help but try to cheer him up.
"So where y'from? You've gotta hava home too."
"Jakkard."
"And what the place be like?"
"Dry, wasted, desert." Multiword answers, she was getting somewhere, and his place seems a lot like Yirridia, maybe the two where close by.
She glaced down for a moment at what Szetsh had in his hands. She couldn't believe it! More of that mysterious mineral that blew-up her lab and sent her here. "Hey, what y'got there?"
"NO! He's mine, you can't have him." Szetsh shouted as he thrust it into the air away from Cylea. He clearly was clearly very protective of it.
What through Cylea off guard though was the more child like behavior Szetsh was exhibiting. Either the trauma had lasting affects or he wasn't as old as she thought. "I don't mean to take it. I'm justa wantin' you to tell me about it."
He brings the gemstone to his chest and wraps his arms around it. "Present for manhood, I got it at my people's celebration for coming of age."
"Well it must mean a lot to ya, darling, but now I'm all curious now. Why do you call it him?"
"He calls himself him."
"Oh." Cylea paused for a moment, the kid seemed like he might be crazy. Then again, Intelligent items aren't unheard of. Then again, intelligent items have been known to drive people crazy. "Well let him know that if he wants to talk to me, he's more than welcome." At that, she got a flood of thought rush through her head, the feeling was akin to some one talking so fast you couldn't keep up, but without words. The rush subsided into a single thought, an inquiry, "Am....I....a....what? Darling I don't understand." The concept was something she had never fathomed before, a being that can travel between worlds. As far as Cylea was concerned, Yirridia and the surrounding nations that made up her home were the only world out there.
part 3
Cylea awoke to the sound of fighting outside. She took out her targeter lens to see what was happening. All around the hut she could only see smoke. Adjusting the penetration settings, she tried again, but the smoke as so think she couldn't get more than several yards on the highest setting.
Clyea turned to Szetsh who was till asleep; she tried shaking him awake. "Sesh darling, please wake-up, we're in danger!" but he wouldn't budge. She tried talking to the stone, but no response. She used the small number of scrying stones she did have on her to see why they wouldn't get up. The stones came up "sleep", "eye", "future". "Now that's nice and all, but a premonition ain't gonna be of much help if in ya' not able to act upon 'em.
A moment later and an orochi came in choking on the fumes. "Please! You must get out of here. Our rival tribe has summoned kami to aid them in their attack."
"What in blue blazes is a commy? Some kind of fanatical group?"
"No time! Just go! I'll clear a path!" and with that the orochi whipped up a small wind that kept the smoke a foot or two away; and woke-up Szetsh.
About ten minutes out Cylea's and Szetsh's escort paused to catch her breath. Cylea could now clearly see she was female, though why a reptile would have breast was beyond her, and a seeming violation of certain biological laws. "O.K.," the escort spoke, still panting, "we're a good distance away, you may ask your questions."
"Why another attack?" Szetsh blurted out.
"Because, they believe that they're superior and anything less should be killed."
Cylea couldn't help but interject, "Well that's stupid! That's not even as good of a reason as: 'because we're hungry.'"
The escort looked at her funny, she didn't like what she said, but couldn't see anything wrong with the statement.
"And what about them commies that were helpin'? I never did get a good look."
"Kami," that first word was enunciated with a clear distain for the lack of proper plural usage, "are the spirits the govern ever natural, and most unnatural, phenomenon on kamigawa."
"Like nature spirits?"
"Some kami are, yes."
"And this Joo keye, is apart of....what was it? Kumagwa?"
"Kamigawa, Yes."
"And where is that in relati'n to Yirridia?"
"I don't know, but I can take you to someone who might."
"By all means, Lead the way."
****
They eventually came upon a small-ish cabin at the costline. The wide open waters scattered with islands, most of which were on or close to the horizon, was something Cylea actually was familiar with. Szetsh on the other hand was shivering in fear and clinging to his orb.
"Zeshy, darling are you alright?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just never seen enough water to realize I was afraid of it."
"Then we best be gettin' inside."
Cylea and Szetsh walked up to the cabin's forest-facing door, and before knocking they noticed their escort had gone missing. <Wonder where she ran off to, musta gone back t' help h'r tribe.> Cylea though. She turned back towards the door and knocked; realizing only afterwards she used her teacher's secret knock that no one else was supposed to hear. To her surprize, she got the proper response-knock back before the door opened and a wrinkly old human man opened the door. Cylea had half-expected it to be the lithomancer himself, but this was just some stranger to her. "Oh, hello there. Are you lost?"
Szetsh spoke out this time, "Yes sir! Do you know how to get to Jakkard?"
Cylea was taken aback by his sudden enthusiasm. He must really miss his home.
"Jakkard, hmm, I've never heard of that. Could you be more specific, sonny?"
"Jakkard, the desert caged by a crystal ceiling. The plane where people wield iron and steam as well as they do mana."
Wait a second! Cylea found the description fammiliar. Like something she over heard her teacher talking about it once.
"O.K., O.K., come on in. Maybe my maps have something."
part 4
"Wow! Who'da guessed that your people be so....exotic!" Cylea had just finished listening to Szetsh about Jakkard while they wait for the old man whose cabin they were in to come back from the other room.
"That's the nicest thing any outsider ever said about my tribe."
"Oh! They should be ashamed for not seeing y'all for the people you are."
"What about the cobrians you speak of? They sound like they are similar to ratters and similarly disliked."
"Well, you ain't goin' 'round eating people j'st f'r the fun of it now are you?"
Szetsh began to curl up around the gem in his hands.
"Oh darling, I mean t' scare ya."
"I'm fine. I just need time to get over what has most likely happened back on Jakkard."
"What do you mean?"
"I'd rather not speak of it until the trauma has worn off."
"Alrighty then. Didn't mean to pry. How old are y' anyway?"
"I just passed into adulthood." Odd. He acted a bit young for his age, then again Cylea couldn't rule out the possibility of the gem affecting his mind. "What about you? What is Yirridia like? Why is your eye so aweful looking?"
Well, he was definitely to-the-point. Cylea couldn't help, but stare at the space just above Setsh's head. She wasn't ashamed about her bum eye. She burned herself the first time she tried to synthesize a pyro stone. The rest of her face had healed almost completely and her fur grew back perfectly hiding what little scar tissue there was. But her eye. The whole thing was boiled to a blacken-charred ball of goo, the only blemish on her otherwise quite beautiful little mongoose face. Cylea considered it a memento of how far she's come since then and stubbornly refused to replace it or get it repaired. "I had an accident when I's about y'r age. There was a big flash of fire, a lotta of pain, and then I couldn't see outta m' right eye any mo'. Other then that, I'd be seen as quite pretty by other mungus."
"Why didn't you make it better?"
"I tend t' learn best when the consequences be a bit more permanent. Besides, It only getta hurtin' when y'poke at it. Which y'ain't supposed t' do anyway."
Before Szetsh could open his mouth to speak again, the old human walked back in. "Alright, I looked at my maps and I can't find Jakkard on any of the ones of Kamigawa. But I do know a friend who is much more well traveled then myself. I've sent out a call for him."
****
A fourth person eventually come to the house. Another human, dressed in traveler's clothing and gear. He took one look at Szetsh and Cylea and a grin widen on his face. Turning to the OOld ma he spoke, "Geku you old coot, every time you call me over its always because you found some stray that wonder to your doorstep."
"Not my fault, Yando. It just happens."
"Well, at least they're 'walkers this time. Maybe I have something to help them."
Cylea spoke up, "What in Blazing glory do mean walker? We all walk. 'cept Zeshy here, no legs n'all."
"'Walker as in planeswalker. Someone who is not confined to a single word, but can travel between them."
That moment the information from before clicked in her mind. "Y'mean t'say I could do tha' on purpose!"
"Sure, you just have to concentrate. Though, if it helps, you could try using that nifty-looking orb your not-orochi friend has their."
part 5
Journal entry, 47th turn of the white season, 200 years post-mending
Cylea and Szetsh have come to me asking to have a record of the first time they met created. I saw no objections, so the passage above was written. I have stopped it at the point I did because the following was very anti climactic. They figured out I was withholding the knowledge they needed to get home and dispit my encouraging they insisted on the easy way out and have me teach them planeswalking. They then parted way and went back to their respective lives until the tug of their sparks called them to the Blind Eternities and eventually joined A.S.P.
I have a feeling this past century is going to catch up with me soon, so a good record of not only my own escapades, but also that of the rest of the Arcnia Salvage Party is kept. That way, if any of us should fall, we can look back and see where and when it all went wrong. I believe great Evil is forming in the 'verse. I can't be sure, but if what I fear is to pass, the 'verse as a hole may befall the fate of Taramir or Keter. For now, I can rest assured that we are safe, but how long, that is the true question.
Okay, I've read up through part three, and here are some thoughts, starting with some positives.
I like Cylea. She's very in the way she just sort of takes everything in stride and just wants to learn about things. I like the way you played around with the types of snakefolk, and the "cobrians" sound pretty fun to me. You do the kind of subtle world-building that I personally like (and do a lot) where you introduce a world slowly through just a few small comments. Yirridia could prove to be an interesting place as we move forward. I'm not yet sold on the combination between ancient Egypt and American Antebellum South, but I'm not saying it can't work. It's just a VERY odd amalgam, so it'll take some work to convince me it makes sense.
You do a good job of communicating the apparent young ages of both new 'walkers (assuming you want them both pretty young) although I think at least Szetsh seems younger than you want, judging from your dossier on him. I'd guess his age around 12-14 based on what I've seen from him, and Cylea maybe 17-19 or so. That's just my impression, you understand. I really like how Cylea had a problem remembering/pronouncing Szetsh's name. That was a nice little nod to the reader who is seeing an odd/fantasy name. I also really liked how protective Szetsh was of his Wish-Maker, again, playing into his obsession with the thing.
Now, some things I'm not so fond of. There are several things in this piece that remind me of your earlier, Szetsh story. There are still far too many typos and wording choice errors, the most annoying of which is Cylea calling everyone "sweaty." A person is sweaty if they have been perspiring a lot. You mean "Sweety." It really took me out of the narrative every time I saw that. Also, like your earlier piece, this one feels rushed. Even though Cylea is both described and portrayed as someone who wants to learn and experience, she spends practically no time looking around. I mean, I know you have her being attacked by Orochi fairly quickly, but you'd expect some amount of description when she finds herself in a perplexing and illogical (to her world-view) new place.
Her interaction with Yaigi seems pretty "easy." What I mean by that is that he goes from trying to kill her to helpfully leading her to his tribe without much real convincing. It begs the question of why he shot at her in the first place. I also have a problem with the line "Please don't eat miss fox." I assume you mean "Please don't eat me, miss fox," but as it stands, he's telling her not to eat miss fox, whoever that might be. Also, I should note that traditionally, internal monolog is represented by italics, not "<>" marks.
Part three bothers me pretty much all the way through, to be honest. I dislike that trope of the snakes dropping down in worship of Cylea like that. It's a similar problem to the one of the accents from the last story, in a way. Also, for a spell like creating an earthquake, with the power-level Cylea seems to be on (who you establish right off the bat is only an apprentice) such a spell should be fairly difficult, and you should probably show us the effect it has on her to cast it. Also, while I'm not expert on Kamigawa by any stretch, I'm concerned where you're going with the whole "Wayfinder" thing. Someone else will have to comment on the various accuracies or lack thereof in Kamigawa lore.
I've removed the sweaty/sweety bits, the autocorrect got me on that one. I've also pulled part three for a complete rewrite.
Yaigi isn't the one who was firing the arrows, one of the white-scaled orochi was, it was hinting at the rival tribe.
I have adulthood for the Day of Passage at 18 or so human equivalent, the behavioral regression is partly because of the dementia Wish-Maker's presence places on his mind, if you look, he's acting youngest when Wish-Maker is threatened. Cylea is early-to-mid twenties. (though I may need to brush up on the more subtle differences there in.)
The way I envision the Egypt and Antebellum mixing is the cobrians being more Egyptian and the mungus as southern.
Cylea awoke to the sound of fighting outside. She took out her targeter lens to see what was happening. All around the hut she could only see smoke. Adjusting the penetration settings, she tried again, but the smoke as so think she couldn't get more than several yards on the highest setting.
Clyea turned to Szetsh who was till asleep; she tried shaking him awake. "Sesh darling, please wake-up, we're in danger!" but he wouldn't budge. She tried talking to the stone, but no response. She used the small number of scrying stones she did have on her to see why they wouldn't get up. The stones came up "sleep", "eye", "future". "Now that's nice and all, but a premonition ain't gonna be of much help if in ya' not able to act upon 'em.
A moment later and an orochi came in choking on the fumes. "Please! You must get out of here. Our rival tribe has summoned kami to aid them in their attack."
"What in blue blazes is a commy? Some kind of fanatical group?"
"No time! Just go! I'll clear a path!" and with that the orochi whipped up a small wind that kept the smoke a foot or two away; and woke-up Szetsh.
About ten minutes out Cylea's and Szetsh's escort paused to catch her breath. Cylea could now clearly she she was female, though why a reptile would have breast was beyond her, and a seeming violation of certain biological laws. "O.K.," the escort spoke, still panting, "we're a good distance away, you may ask your questions."
"Why another attack?" Szetsh blurted out.
"Because, they believe that they're superior and anything less should be killed."
Cylea couldn't help but interject, "Well that's stupid! That's not even as good of a reason as: 'because we're hungry.'"
The escort looked at her funny, she didn't like what she said, but couldn't see anything wrong with the statement.
"And what about them commies that where helpin'? I never did get a good look."
"Kami," that first word was enunciated with a clear distain for the lack of proper plural usage, "are the spirits the govern ever natural, and most unnatural, phenomenon on kamigawa."
"Like nature spirits?"
"Some kami are, yes."
"And this Joo keye, is apart of....what was it? Kumagwa?"
"Kamigawa, Yes."
"And where is that in relati'n to Yirridia?"
"I don't know, but I can take you to someone who might."
"By all means, Lead the way."
****
They eventually came upon a small-ish cabin at the costline. The wide open waters scattered with islands, most of which were on or close to the horizon, was something Cylea actually was familiar with. Szetsh on the other hand was shivering in fear and clinging to his orb.
"Zeshy, darling are you alright?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just never seen enough water to realize I was afraid of it."
"Then we better get inside."
Cylea and Szetsh walked up to the cabin's forest-facing door, and before knocking they noticed their escort had gone missing. <Wonder where she ran off to, musta gone back ta help h'r tribe.> Cylea though. She turned back towards the door and knocked; realizing only afterwards she used her teacher's secret knock that no one else was supposed to hear. To her surprize, she got the proper response-knock back before the door opened and a wrinkly old human man opened the door. Cylea had half-expected it to be the lithomancer himself, but this could just some stranger to her. "Oh, hello there. Are you lost?"
Szetsh spoke out this time, "Yes sir! Do you know how to get to Jakkard?"
Cylea was taken aback by his sudden enthusiasm. He must really miss his home.
"Jakkard, hmm, I've never heard of that. Could you be more specific, sonny?"
"Jakkard, the desert caged by a crystal ceiling. The plane where people wield iron and steam as well as they do mana."
Wait a second! Cylea found the description fammiliar. Like something she over heard her teach talking about once.
"O.K., O.K., come on in. Maybe my maps have something."
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot post attachments in this forum