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 Post subject: [Beryl] The Lies We Tell
PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 10:08 pm 
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Salutations, dear friends!

Presented for the approval of the Midnight Society, I humbly offer a new Beryl story, titled "The Lies We Tell."

This piece picks up immediately after the ending of "Friends and Killers," so if you don't quite remember how we got here, a quick skim of that story's final section may help to bring you up to speed.

Before I go any further, I want to extend my sincerest thanks to the good Barinellos. His creative input has been absolutely vital, both for this particular story and for events yet to come, and he provided wonderful feedback and notes on this piece, many of which I incorporated word-for-word into what you see here. Despite what he might have you believe, what with his sanity-destroying visage and eldritch powers, he's actually a real friendly fella, and his ongoing contributions to Beryl's tale are greatly appreciated.

As ever, your comments, criticisms, and suggestions are most welcome. More than anything else, I hope you enjoy the story.

The Lies We Tell

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Last edited by OrcishLibrarian on Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 3:11 pm 
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Just to let you know, today became a much busier day than I expected, so I wasn't able to get to this as soon as I had hoped. I'll hopefully get to this tonight, or tomorrow.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 3:18 pm 
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I read this, but can't fully express how much I enjoyed it on my phone. Or. Well. I could. But it would take forever and I'd rather do my comments justice.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 8:13 pm 
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Okay, I was able to get to this. Sorry for the delay.

Anyway, this was the typical excellence from the OrcishLibrarian camp, with the typically excellent interactions between Beryl and Astria, as well as the typically excellent plot complications from poor Beryl's overall story arch. Also, I didn't need you thanking Barinellos in your intro to sense his hand...uh, tentacle, in this one. The game is most definitely afoot. (To paraphrase from Henry V and later Sherlock Holmes).

I really enjoyed the interaction between Beryl and the mysterious stranger, too. Actually, I just really enjoyed your characterization of him in general. Very fun. I liked the little thing with tossing around the phial. I suspect Ruwin liked that part, too. He does enjoy incremental numbers and all that!

I do have to note that I found the last little exchange between Beryl and Astria, the part when she was asking about the slave collars, to be a little flat. I honestly can't quite put my finger on what it is, and maybe it's just because I was there to witness what happened to them so it seems rehashed to me, but that bit of dialog seemed a little forced. Like I said, I'm not sure exactly why it feels off to me, but it does.

I found only one typo, when Astria says: "You can do this to me..." I assume you mean "You can't do this to me..."

Something tells me that before all is said and done with this storyline, it'll be longer than my War of the Wheel, which is kinda cool. You were just a lot more subtle about it than I was! :clap:

But again, excellent work, and as always, I look forward to the next thrilling episode of As the World Burns... :D


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:10 pm 
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Okay, I was able to get to this. Sorry for the delay.

I don't know, Raven. 21 hours I could have forgiven.

But 22 hours?

That's over the line, sir.

Kidding aside, thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!


Anyway, this was the typical excellence from the OrcishLibrarian camp, with the typically excellent interactions between Beryl and Astria, as well as the typically excellent plot complications from poor Beryl's overall story arch. Also, I didn't need you thanking Barinellos in your intro to sense his hand...uh, tentacle, in this one. The game is most definitely afoot. (To paraphrase from Henry V and later Sherlock Holmes).

Yes, poor Beryl just keeps getting pulled deeper and deeper into this web of intrigue. I often find myself thinking of her as a good Samaritan who extends a hand to try to help a drowning man, only to be pulled into the water herself. Bless her heart, she tries to do the right thing, to the extent that she can figure out what the right thing is. But good deeds seldom go unpunished in her world.


I really enjoyed the interaction between Beryl and the mysterious stranger, too. Actually, I just really enjoyed your characterization of him in general. Very fun. I liked the little thing with tossing around the phial. I suspect Ruwin liked that part, too. He does enjoy incremental numbers and all that!

I had fun with this mysterious fella, and the good Barin had several wonderful color and speech notes as well.

In my mind, one of the things I see very clearly about him is that his hands seem like they're always moving, like he can't stand to be still for any meaningful period of time. So, once he had the phial in his hands, my eyes kept coming back to it. Even as he's having this life-or-death conversation, it's like he can't help playing this little game with himself, trying to see how many times he can get it to spin. Gave me the willies.


I do have to note that I found the last little exchange between Beryl and Astria, the part when she was asking about the slave collars, to be a little flat. I honestly can't quite put my finger on what it is, and maybe it's just because I was there to witness what happened to them so it seems rehashed to me, but that bit of dialog seemed a little forced. Like I said, I'm not sure exactly why it feels off to me, but it does.

Yeah, it's definitely a strange sort of shift in tone, and I can see why it might not land. I think there are two things at play. First, Beryl has just really unloaded in the moments before. It's like her emotional dam has finally burst, and all these things which I think she has wanted to say to Astria for years have come flooding out. So to pivot so quickly back to this "how little can I give away?" sort of exchange is a pretty abrupt shift, and I may not have gotten it to gel.

Second, I think this is partly the result of some cuts I made from that portion of the conversation. There was a longer version of the discussion about Fisco in which Beryl just really ripped into Astria. I mean, she just let her have it. It made the first part of the exchange seem fairly tame by comparison. Problem was, the more I read and re-read it, it just seemed out of character for Beryl. I couldn't picture her saying those things, no matter how angry she was or how betrayed she felt. One of the things which makes her different from Astria is that she doesn't derive any joy from doing emotional damage to other people. Even if it was just verbal, the way she was really trying to hurt Astria felt wrong. So I started cutting a lot of her lines. (Which made me a little sad, because she had some real zingers in there, but they really didn't belong.) The problem I then ran into was that I couldn't imagine her going into too much detail about what she learned from Fisco without getting very angry, but seeing her that angry didn't seem correct. So I ultimately wound up squaring the circle by having her choose to keep things much closer to the vest. I think it works okay, and makes more sense from a character perspective. I feel like Beryl is just emotionally spent by that point, and that's why she's almost a little affectless. But, like you said, it seems a little flat compared to the proceeding fireworks.


Something tells me that before all is said and done with this storyline, it'll be longer than my War of the Wheel, which is kinda cool. You were just a lot more subtle about it than I was! :clap:

But again, excellent work, and as always, I look forward to the next thrilling episode of As the World Burns... :D

I am stealing that title so fast that it's not even funny. :)


EDIT: (Embarrassing) typo fixed. Thanks for the sharp eyes!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:21 pm 
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I had fun with this mysterious fella, and the good Barin had several wonderful color and speech notes as well.

In my mind, one of the things I see very clearly about him is that his hands seem like they're always moving, like he can't stand to be still for any meaningful period of time. So, once he had the phial in his hands, my eyes kept coming back to it. Even as he's having this life-or-death conversation, it's like he can't help playing this little game with himself, trying to see how many times he can get it to spin. Gave me the willies.

Yeah, I noticed he kept shifting around a lot. I liked that little touch.

Yeah, it's definitely a strange sort of shift in tone, and I can see why it might not land. I think there are two things at play. First, Beryl has just really unloaded in the moments before. It's like her emotional dam has finally burst, and all these things which I think she has wanted to say to Astria for years have come flooding out. So to pivot so quickly back to this "how little can I give away?" sort of exchange is a pretty abrupt shift, and I may not have gotten it to gel.

Second, I think this is partly the result of some cuts I made from that portion of the conversation. There was a longer version of the discussion about Fisco in which Beryl just really ripped into Astria. I mean, she just let her have it. It made the first part of the exchange seem fairly tame by comparison. Problem was, the more I read and re-read it, it just seemed out of character for Beryl. I couldn't picture her saying those things, no matter how angry she was or how betrayed she felt. One of the things which makes her different from Astria is that she doesn't derive any joy from doing emotional damage to other people. Even if it was just verbal, the way she was really trying to hurt Astria felt wrong. So I started cutting a lot of her lines. (Which made me a little sad, because she had some real zingers in there, but they really didn't belong.) The problem I then ran into was that I couldn't imagine her going into too much detail about what she learned from Fisco without getting very angry, but seeing her that angry didn't seem correct. So I ultimately wound up squaring the circle by having her choose to keep things much closer to the vest. I think it works okay, and makes more sense from a character perspective. I feel like Beryl is just emotionally spent by that point, and that's why she's almost a little affectless. But, like you said, it seems a little flat compared to the proceeding fireworks.


Yeah, I mean, I agree with the philosophy there. It felt right to me that Beryl wanted as little to do with the last bit of the conversation as she could. In fact, I really liked the "last bit of her soul fighting for survival" thing. That was awesome, and I think should remain. But if I had to guess, I'd say my problem with that bit of conversation comes from Astria, not Beryl. But again, it's a very minor issue.

I am stealing that title so fast that it's not even funny. :)


Have fun with it, but don't burn yourself... :D


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:31 pm 
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I read this, but can't fully express how much I enjoyed it on my phone. Or. Well. I could. But it would take forever and I'd rather do my comments justice.

If you got sore phone fingers on my account, I would never forgive myself.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and I really look forward to any reactions you have!


But if I had to guess, I'd say my problem with that bit of conversation comes from Astria, not Beryl.

Actually, I think you may have put your finger on it. I'll need to think about that.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:59 pm 
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So, in general, I feel like I don't have to reiterate my praise. I could, if you really need me to, but rather, I think I will try to be somewhat more negatively constructive. Which is the much harder thing here, because naturally it's fantastic work. However, there was just one or two places that felt a little more thumbs than the rest of it.
Quote:
As she drew closer to the street where she had lived for years, she was surprised at how strange her return home seemed, how much smaller the world felt – how removed from her own past she felt.
The refrain of "felt" doesn't really gel well. It's not a fatal flaw, but for your usual eloquence, I find myself wishing it had a bit more variety.
Quote:
The strongbox was solid silver.

It had been fashioned in the shape of a seven-pointed star, and its surface was covered with swirling runes painted in blue and gold enamel. It had a single, small keyhole in the center of its lid.

It was about the size of a loaf of bread.
That last bit really feels like it breaks the rest of the flow of it. It's a detail that feels like it could be folded into one of the above statements.

Quote:
She slipped the locked box itself into her oiled leather pack and slipped out of her sister’s quarters as quickly and quietly as she could.

As she half-walked, half-ran to put distance between herself and the Court, she felt the silver box’s heavy weight bouncing up and down against her back with each hurried step. And, each time one of the star-shaped box’s points dug into her, she found herself wondering the same thing:

Now what?
While I love all of this (don't get me wrong) I also feel like it should have more tension building. That decision should feel like it carries a little more weight and like a coiling spring, it's just going to continue building. There's nothing wrong with it, but it lacks that heart pounding tension... actually that might be exactly what's missing. We're in her head, but we haven't climbed into her body for the physiological reactions.

Anyways, naturally, I love the entire piece, even with the small little bits I pointed out and look forward to the next chapter more than you can imagine.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:41 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
So, in general, I feel like I don't have to reiterate my praise. I could, if you really need me to, but rather, I think I will try to be somewhat more negatively constructive. Which is the much harder thing here, because naturally it's fantastic work. However, there was just one or two places that felt a little more thumbs than the rest of it.

Hey, that's why I enjoy getting feedback. Goodness knows that I miss as much as I hit, and that's why it's so helpful to get opinions. So don't ever worry about giving constructive criticism - I appreciate it.


Barinellos wrote:
Quote:
As she drew closer to the street where she had lived for years, she was surprised at how strange her return home seemed, how much smaller the world felt – how removed from her own past she felt.
The refrain of "felt" doesn't really gel well. It's not a fatal flaw, but for your usual eloquence, I find myself wishing it had a bit more variety.

That's me trying to position the thought after the em dash as a clarified/amended version of the thought before the em dash, but I agree that it reads clunkier than I'd like. I'll have to play around with the sentence and see if there's a reworked version I like better.


Barinellos wrote:
Quote:
The strongbox was solid silver.

It had been fashioned in the shape of a seven-pointed star, and its surface was covered with swirling runes painted in blue and gold enamel. It had a single, small keyhole in the center of its lid.

It was about the size of a loaf of bread.
That last bit really feels like it breaks the rest of the flow of it. It's a detail that feels like it could be folded into one of the above statements.

This is another deliberate choice which maybe just isn't hitting the way I'd like. I tried to make the break loaf comparison seem a little awkward and out of place by chunking it out into its own graf, just because that's how I'm imagining Beryl is feeling inside her own head as she's looking down at the box. She's just kind of staring at this thing and thinking, "well, now what do I do?" and it's an uncomfortable moment for her. But I'm probably trying to be too clever for my own good, and it just ends up reading as strange.


Barinellos wrote:
Quote:
She slipped the locked box itself into her oiled leather pack and slipped out of her sister’s quarters as quickly and quietly as she could.

As she half-walked, half-ran to put distance between herself and the Court, she felt the silver box’s heavy weight bouncing up and down against her back with each hurried step. And, each time one of the star-shaped box’s points dug into her, she found herself wondering the same thing:

Now what?
While I love all of this (don't get me wrong) I also feel like it should have more tension building. That decision should feel like it carries a little more weight and like a coiling spring, it's just going to continue building. There's nothing wrong with it, but it lacks that heart pounding tension... actually that might be exactly what's missing. We're in her head, but we haven't climbed into her body for the physiological reactions.

That's probably just a missed trick - thanks for the sharp eyes. The thought which immediately brings to mind is that I bet she's breaking out in a cold sweat, or something like that which reflects how she is out of her comfort zone. I'll have to think about it a little more and look for places to work a little extra description in.


Barinellos wrote:
Anyways, naturally, I love the entire piece, even with the small little bits I pointed out and look forward to the next chapter more than you can imagine.

It feels a little odd saying "thanks for reading, and I'm glad you liked the story," since you've been in this loop for so long.

But thanks for reading, and I'm glad you liked the story!

I, too, am excited about what comes next...

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:01 am 
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Quote:
This is another deliberate choice which maybe just isn't hitting the way I'd like. I tried to make the break loaf comparison seem a little awkward and out of place by chunking it out into its own graf, just because that's how I'm imagining Beryl is feeling inside her own head as she's looking down at the box. She's just kind of staring at this thing and thinking, "well, now what do I do?" and it's an uncomfortable moment for her. But I'm probably trying to be too clever for my own good, and it just ends up reading as strange.
I think it comes down to the structure of the phrasing. It's just weighted weirdly, which while making it awkward in her head just... kind of makes it awkward on the page too. Like, if the bread loaf detail had been mentioned second, and we just got her examining it in closer and closer detail as she grew flustered over the entire affair, it would have read better. Essentially, the longer she stands there, the more time she's given to think and the more she's trying to distract herself with inconsequential details.
Quote:
That's probably just a missed trick - thanks for the sharp eyes. The thought which immediately brings to mind is that I bet she's breaking out in a cold sweat, or something like that which reflects how she is out of her comfort zone. I'll have to think about it a little more and look for places to work a little extra description in.
Well, seeing into the Nth dimensions does tend to sharpen one's eyes.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 1:20 am 
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So.

Astria pretty much... Actually, I think she gets more than she deserves, really. Considering how Beryl treated the Dentevi's, Astria got off, uh, pretty easy. I mean, logically speaking, Astria is just as culpable in this whole fiasco as the Dentevi's and Fisco are, and really, she should be happy that Fisco's mental state isn't the clearest at the moment, otherwise he might have taken more offense to the Trevanei matriarch sending her possibly unstable sister after him.

I shudder to think what would have happened if Beryl had not gone to Aloise first, after all.

I like the conversation between them. Beryl is finished, and you make that very clear. I think she shows a lot of bravery here that is being taken for granted. It's not easy going against what you've been raised to believe - that having her name brings her closer to her mother, that her sister is her sister, and that that means something - and when she does, it's very liberating.

Neither of these two women are free of guilt. The difference is, Beryl has done things she regrets, and Astria has not. I count Beryl as a good person, even if she is - at the moment - holding the moral low ground. She's done a lot of killing, and is still a very sympathetic, very "kicked-puppy" character, and that's... that's difficult, especially when you make it feel as authentic as it is.

The mystery gentlemen sure is mysterious!

Not to rail against what Barinellos was saying, because he brings up some valid points, but I actually really enjoyed the bread loaf line. For some reason, that really connected with me, because it's the sort of observation I would make about something. Like, she's staring at this potentially life-changing object, and it means SO MUCH to her in context. But hand it off to a street-rat on Ravnica and they'd pawn it for a few coppers to the nearest Dimir fence. It's like she's attempting to analyze it objectively, and all these emotions are fuzzing it up.

Which, really, happens to Beryl a lot.

Now. All that remains to be seen is how she gets that box open. ;)

Nicely done! Thanks for posting, OL. :D

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 8:53 am 
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I would think the loaf of bread thing would have been a bit more coherent if there was a scene earlier, maybe when she was a child, of her holding a loaf of bread.
Still, I'm not nearly as attentive a reader as rest of you, and the line didn't jump out at me when I was reading.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 1:52 pm 
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Astria pretty much... Actually, I think she gets more than she deserves, really. Considering how Beryl treated the Dentevi's, Astria got off, uh, pretty easy. I mean, logically speaking, Astria is just as culpable in this whole fiasco as the Dentevi's and Fisco are, and really, she should be happy that Fisco's mental state isn't the clearest at the moment, otherwise he might have taken more offense to the Trevanei matriarch sending her possibly unstable sister after him.

You're very correct. Astria gets off criminally easy, in any objective sense.

She has led something of a charmed life in this respect. Leaving aside her "normal" enemies, both Fisco and Beryl could credibly want to give her some pretty lethal comeuppance. She's lucky that Fisco's attention is otherwise occupied, for starters. Furthermore, despite finally reaching her breaking point with her sister, I don't think Beryl could actually hurt or kill Astria without destroying part of herself in the process. Beryl wants to be part of a family, to have a real connection to some other human being which is based on unconditional love and acceptance. She wants it *badly*. It's maybe the one thing which motivates her at an almost elemental level. No matter how horrid Astria has been to her, and Astria has been horrid, I think that willfully killing her sister is something Beryl would find it impossible to live with, no matter how justified it might seem.


I shudder to think what would have happened if Beryl had not gone to Aloise first, after all.

Same here. I keep coming back to this thought more and more frequently. It's so easy for me to envision a much darker path she could have gone down, which winds up with many, many more people dead and Beryl realizing her greatest fear - turning into someone like her sister, turning into the person who she has always been terrified of becoming.

I would love to say that I had any notion how profound that encounter would turn out to be when I initially thought it up, but I didn't. It became core to Beryl's character in a way I never anticipated.


I like the conversation between them. Beryl is finished, and you make that very clear. I think she shows a lot of bravery here that is being taken for granted. It's not easy going against what you've been raised to believe - that having her name brings her closer to her mother, that her sister is her sister, and that that means something - and when she does, it's very liberating.

Neither of these two women are free of guilt. The difference is, Beryl has done things she regrets, and Astria has not. I count Beryl as a good person, even if she is - at the moment - holding the moral low ground. She's done a lot of killing, and is still a very sympathetic, very "kicked-puppy" character, and that's... that's difficult, especially when you make it feel as authentic as it is.

I'm glad that you felt like the interaction worked. Like you said, I think this is really hard for Beryl. She's turning away from things which she has been raised to believe are so important (lineage), and which she herself clings to as important (family). I think it's a bigger step for her than maybe even she realizes.

And, like you said, Beryl has been tiptoeing deeper into this kind of moral quagmire, and that's tricky for me. Because, as I have to keep admitting, I *like* Beryl, and I feel this deep, instinctive need to protect her. So it's hard for me to see her swimming in these dangerous waters. I have to fight the urge to just absolve her of her actions, some of which - as you have noted - are pretty dark. But I am heartened by the fact that she hasn't given up on fighting for her own salvation (a word I'm using in a moral context rather than a religious one). She wants to make things "right," and she wants to make herself "right." And I think she can do it, provided she doesn't give up on herself. Down that road lies cynicism and darkness.


Not to rail against what Barinellos was saying, because he brings up some valid points, but I actually really enjoyed the bread loaf line. For some reason, that really connected with me, because it's the sort of observation I would make about something. Like, she's staring at this potentially life-changing object, and it means SO MUCH to her in context. But hand it off to a street-rat on Ravnica and they'd pawn it for a few coppers to the nearest Dimir fence. It's like she's attempting to analyze it objectively, and all these emotions are fuzzing it up.

Which, really, happens to Beryl a lot.

I'm glad you mentioned that, because it gives me an opportunity to mention something which I worry about from time to time.

In my mind, Beryl is very much defined by emotion, because she *feels* very intensely, and she really tries to grapple with the things that she feels. Partly that's because, if she doesn't, those feeling can carry her away in a manner which has very dangerous consequences. But it's also rooted in a very real desire for self-awareness and self-actualization, which I think is empowering for her.

Now, this has the potential to stray into territory which is associated with negative female stereotypes - that they're emotional, ruled by their feelings, irrational, etc. Which is not at all how I think of Beryl. I see her emotionality as the source of her morality, in a very real sense.

But if people ever feel like it starts to become an issue, I hope they will say so.


Now. All that remains to be seen is how she gets that box open. ;)

Nicely done! Thanks for posting, OL. :D

Thank you for reading and for the great comments!

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:58 pm 
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And, like you said, Beryl has been tiptoeing deeper into this kind of moral quagmire, and that's tricky for me. Because, as I have to keep admitting, I *like* Beryl, and I feel this deep, instinctive need to protect her. So it's hard for me to see her swimming in these dangerous waters. I have to fight the urge to just absolve her of her actions, some of which - as you have noted - are pretty dark. But I am heartened by the fact that she hasn't given up on fighting for her own salvation (a word I'm using in a moral context rather than a religious one). She wants to make things "right," and she wants to make herself "right." And I think she can do it, provided she doesn't give up on herself. Down that road lies cynicism and darkness.

Funnily, I've never seemed to develop this attitude towards my characters. Poor, poor Antine...

I'm glad you mentioned that, because it gives me an opportunity to mention something which I worry about from time to time.

In my mind, Beryl is very much defined by emotion, because she *feels* very intensely, and she really tries to grapple with the things that she feels. Partly that's because, if she doesn't, those feeling can carry her away in a manner which has very dangerous consequences. But it's also rooted in a very real desire for self-awareness and self-actualization, which I think is empowering for her.

Now, this has the potential to stray into territory which is associated with negative female stereotypes - that they're emotional, ruled by their feelings, irrational, etc. Which is not at all how I think of Beryl. I see her emotionality as the source of her morality, in a very real sense.

But if people ever feel like it starts to become an issue, I hope they will say so.

You know, this really reminds me of the way I used poetry, particularly in college. If I was having some emotional issue or another, I would write a poem about it. I looked at it as working through the raw emotion and carefully putting it into the strict, regular meters I always use, and it served as a way to reach some sort of understanding about what I felt. I always found it surprisingly effective.

As for Beryl as a stereotype, I certainly haven't noticed any problems on that front, personally. But then again, I've been working mentally with the MTG color wheel for a long time now, and so "emotional" usually doesn't flag "feminine" for me, it flags -aligned. But even so, Beryl was a pretty deeply nuanced character, so I haven't had any problems with the characterizations I've seen of her.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:17 pm 
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And, like you said, Beryl has been tiptoeing deeper into this kind of moral quagmire, and that's tricky for me. Because, as I have to keep admitting, I *like* Beryl, and I feel this deep, instinctive need to protect her. So it's hard for me to see her swimming in these dangerous waters. I have to fight the urge to just absolve her of her actions, some of which - as you have noted - are pretty dark. But I am heartened by the fact that she hasn't given up on fighting for her own salvation (a word I'm using in a moral context rather than a religious one). She wants to make things "right," and she wants to make herself "right." And I think she can do it, provided she doesn't give up on herself. Down that road lies cynicism and darkness.

Funnily, I've never seemed to develop this attitude towards my characters. Poor, poor Antine...

It's strange that I've never considered this before, but I actually think a Beryl/Antine encounter would be pretty interesting. I think they would relate. Or, if nothing else, swap horror stories.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:23 pm 
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Antine would probably like Beryl, although he's likely to be a little gun-shy around fire for a while.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:36 pm 
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Antine would probably like Beryl, although he's likely to be a little gun-shy around fire for a while.

I hadn't thought about that.

She would totally enchant some red wards for him, if he wanted. For some reason, that thought makes me happy.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:41 pm 
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Antine would probably like Beryl, although he's likely to be a little gun-shy around fire for a while.

I hadn't thought about that.

She would totally enchant some red wards for him, if he wanted. For some reason, that thought makes me happy.

He'd probably appreciate that.

"Much obliged, ma'am." Is what the kid'd say.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 4:19 pm 
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Figures you post this just as I take a break :P

I like this a lot, of course. Although I also feel, like some others have mentioned, that maybe Astria's dialogue could use some polish.

The Shifter is fascinating. I love how both the Missing Pieces exude inhumanity in subtly different ways... like if I had to describe it I'd say the Duchess is artificial while the Shifter is false, if that makes sense as a distinction.

Poor Beryl just keeps getting sucked in deeper, doesn't she? :(


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 4:25 pm 
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Figures you post this just as I take a break :P
:V
Quote:
The Shifter is fascinating. I love how both the Missing Pieces exude inhumanity in subtly different ways... like if I had to describe it I'd say the Duchess is artificial while the Shifter is false, if that makes sense as a distinction.
One of the key differences that I built into the two is the counterpoint of stillness and motion.
The Duchess is nearly like a statue, while the Shifter is in near constant motion, and Orcish did a fantastic job at capturing that, particularly with the phial.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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