Lanterns in the Night

A silent, billowed fog had just rolled in
To smother all the ground where grass once thrived,
Of course, it chose its moment to begin,
The very instant I, myself, arrived.

A sigh escaped my lips, I rubbed my brow,
And hesitantly gripped the carriage door,
I cursed that my decisions led me now
Back to my former home upon the moor.

I opened wide the door and smelled the air,
Reluctantly, my booted feet touched ground,
And though I knew the cobblestone was there,
When I stepped off, I never heard a sound.

A sudden gust of wind assailed my face,
I wrapped my cloak around to fight the chill,
My courage balked, a moment of disgrace,
Which challenged the reserves of all my will.

I heard a voice, like mine, upon the wind,
That asked me why I’d ever dare return,
To this, the very spot where once I’d sinned,
And to the lesson I should once have learned.

But then the winds fell silent, still, and dead,
And I could hear that voice in fits and shouts,
It was my own, the voice within my head,
The echoes of my countless, nagging doubts.

I closed my eyes, my mind retreated back
Into the past, a score of years ago,
When as a child, in a night so black,
I saw the…well, I’m still not sure I know.

No stars did shine, the clouds engulfed the moon,
And I had woken from a restless sleep,
I wandered from my father’s house, and soon
Was lost within the moor’s night fog so deep.

There was no rain, yet still the air was wet,
That moisture mingled with my falling tears,
And through those twisting wafts, I can’t forget,
Were shapes that to this day still haunt my fears.

The fog was closing in on me like walls,
The darkness deepened to eternal night,
And just before I fell, I heard the calls,
And saw off in the distance one lone light.

It looked just like a lantern in the dark,
And swayed around, as if unsteady hands
Were holding it, the moment they embark
Upon a tiny boat to unseen lands.

I stood there frozen in that hellish fog,
And watched the lantern stagger like a drunk,
While somewhere there, the moor gave way to bog,
Where one wrong step would leave the stepper sunk.

I heard the voices swirling like a mist,
Their sound was less like humans, more like birds,
A siren’s call, and I could not resist,
Although I never could make out the words.

I took a step, one nearer to that light,
And then another one, a third as well,
And then, beyond, a second lantern’s flight
Arrived to join the first, to join the spell.

I followed in the deepest night their trail,
But never seemed to catch even the first,
I walked on like a bride beneath her veil,
A curséd blessing for the blesséd cursed.

I still remember when the lamps converged,
Their many facets like a gleaming gem,
I stopped, although it seemed the lanterns urged
Me onward to take one more step toward them.

I raised my leg, prepared to step once more,
But then I heard my father’s worried yell,
Then suddenly, I saw down to the shore;
The cliff from which I very nearly fell.

For twenty years, that night has haunted me,
That night when I so very nearly died,
I wish, sometimes, I could go back to see
Just what it was that pulled me toward the tide.

Now here I am, returning home at last,
My husband lost, my father long since dead,
I wish a reclamation of the past,
And knowledge that it wasn’t in my head.

My mind is set, my will now ironclad,
The icicles of fear will finally thaw,
They tried to say, for years, that I was mad,
But I will prove the truth in what I saw.

I reach within my cloak and draw my prize,
This lantern that will light my fog-choked way,
At last, I know I’ll set my weary eyes
Upon what I could never see that day.

My husband said that I should just forget,
To leave the past behind, and not recall.
I hope he’s happy, lying in that pit,
With all our children, where I left them all.

I step into that fog, where I belong,
I close my eyes, and listen, and rejoice,
The voices come and greet me with their song,
And I begin to sing, and add my voice.

I walk for hours, days, until I see
A little girl, alone, without a light,
It’s strange, for she looks very much like me,
Perhaps she needs a lantern in the night.