It is currently Wed Dec 04, 2024 9:48 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2015 2:07 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 3846
So here's what I've been writting for a few weeks, to justify the concept of the Fates and the Caladrian Shield. Part two should be ready soon.

Part1/2

_________________
Matahouroa
Planeswalker's Guide
The Story

My Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/Carliro
Image

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DKFQ7Q38/ a book based on Lusitanian Mythology


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2015 8:35 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Jun 21, 2014
Posts: 8338
Location: Singapore
I think this story takes a little too long to get going. You take 8 paragraphs to tell the story of the Mending, which I think is pretty unacceptable if you want to draw in readers. I'd also suggest that you be more daring with how you break up your paragraphs: in my experience, shorter sentences are both easier to digest and improve pacing.

_________________
Image
The format of YMtC and the Expanded Multiverse.
YMtC: My Deck of Many Things | NGA Masters | 2 | 3 | Roses of Paliano | Duel Decks: War of the Wheel | Jakkard: Wild Cards | From Maral's Vault | Taramir: The Dark Tide
Solphos: Solphos | Fool's Gold | Planeswalker's Guide | The Guiding Light | The Weight of a Soul
Game design: Pokémon Tales | Fleets of Ossia: War Machines | Hunter Killer | Red Jackie's Run


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 5:35 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 3846
Figured so. I've moving into fewer-phrase paragraph formats from now on.

_________________
Matahouroa
Planeswalker's Guide
The Story

My Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/Carliro
Image

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DKFQ7Q38/ a book based on Lusitanian Mythology


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group