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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 11:47 pm 
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The Coin of Eirene

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 10:06 am 
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I like the framing narrative in this one :D

Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist.

This object piques my interest in a way the first artifact didn't, and I think it's partly because there's more of a narrative to latch onto here. (That's also, I suspect, why we focussed so much on the framing narrative of the last piece as well--there wasn't much to really dig into with the Bangles.) It's an intriguing object with a very classic feeling story and it provides a number of interesting future hooks--both for Raleris and Maral and for Eirene herself. It's interesting because it works both as an actual desired endpoint (i.e. Eirene's body's restoration) and as a mcguffin (Maral would, no doubt, be rather... put out if the coin were to be stolen by someone).


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 10:18 am 
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(That's also, I suspect, why we focussed so much on the framing narrative of the last piece as well--there wasn't much to really dig into with the Bangles.)


I don't know - I always liked their cover of "Hazy Shade of Winter." Never could do the dance for "Walk Like an Egyptian," though.

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:49 pm 
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(That's also, I suspect, why we focussed so much on the framing narrative of the last piece as well--there wasn't much to really dig into with the Bangles.)


I don't know - I always liked their cover of "Hazy Shade of Winter." Never could do the dance for "Walk Like an Egyptian," though.

Okay, I have to admit you've hit on a love of mine. I've never been an obsessive fanboy of anything, really, but I admit I love the Bangles. I don't say things like this often, but I honestly think Susanna Hoffs's voice is one of the sexiest things I've ever heard.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 9:10 pm 
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I like the framing narrative in this one :D

Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist.

This object piques my interest in a way the first artifact didn't, and I think it's partly because there's more of a narrative to latch onto here. (That's also, I suspect, why we focussed so much on the framing narrative of the last piece as well--there wasn't much to really dig into with the Bangles.) It's an intriguing object with a very classic feeling story and it provides a number of interesting future hooks--both for Raleris and Maral and for Eirene herself. It's interesting because it works both as an actual desired endpoint (i.e. Eirene's body's restoration) and as a mcguffin (Maral would, no doubt, be rather... put out if the coin were to be stolen by someone).

Well, the first one was meant to be a much more... variable sort of artifact. It has more story potential, but a lot less focus.

There are basically two types of artifacts coming from this project. The first are focused on abilities, and the second have more narration built into them.
A problem does arise though, in that there are artifacts that fall somewhere between the two, but part of that is because there are several stories trying to be told across a few different planes.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 11:30 pm 
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Okay, I have to admit you've hit on a love of mine. I've never been an obsessive fanboy of anything, really, but I admit I love the Bangles. I don't say things like this often, but I honestly think Susanna Hoffs's voice is one of the sexiest things I've ever heard.

According to a former colleague of mine, whose job was basically to interview rock stars, Susanna Hoff was one of the nicest folks he ever interviewed. So I'd say you made a quality choice.

(Interestingly enough, there has always been close to one-hundred-percent consensus at the office that the nicest rock star to ever visit was Jimmy Buffett. Which makes me very happy for reasons I can't fully explain.)

Oh, hey, the actual story!

I really like this one, for most of the same reasons which Keeper mentioned. There's something about surrogate child storylines which always pulls at my heartstrings. I hope someone revisits this in the future.

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 11:37 pm 
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(Interestingly enough, there has always been close to one-hundred-percent consensus at the office that the nicest rock star to ever visit was Jimmy Buffett. Which makes me very happy for reasons I can't fully explain.)

My father attended one of Jimmy's early concerts and halfway through Cheeseburger in paradise, he stopped, put the guitar down and asked if anybody else wanted a cheeseburger.
He then bought EVERYONE cheeseburgers and margaritas.

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Oh, hey, the actual story!

I really like this one, for most of the same reasons which Keeper mentioned. There's something about surrogate child storylines which always pulls at my heartstrings. I hope someone revisits this in the future.

Yeah, I kinda played a little trope-y, but... well, it works and says something about the coin, Maral, and Raleris all in one fell swoop.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 11:45 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
Quote:
Oh, hey, the actual story!

I really like this one, for most of the same reasons which Keeper mentioned. There's something about surrogate child storylines which always pulls at my heartstrings. I hope someone revisits this in the future.

Yeah, I kinda played a little trope-y, but... well, it works and says something about the coin, Maral, and Raleris all in one fell swoop.

Well, you're not going to get any complaints from me about tropes, because I love tropes. There's a reason that these sorts of themes recur: they have something about them that works. The right trope, thoughtfully and lovingly applied - which can either be with full fidelity, or cunningly subverted, or both - usually makes me nod my head and smile.

I only object to them when they're being tossed mindlessly at a problem. (Car chase! The person you would have no possible reason to suspect did it! I'm a sassy female asskicker who takes no guff from anyone but secretly longs for the right man to enter my life and start telling me what to do!) And that's certainly not the case here.

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:49 am 
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Additionally, when you're working in microfic land tropes can carry a lot of the weight you'd rely on other story elements to carry in a longer narrative. It saves space.

The one thing I think is interesting though is the way the expected ending as per modern fairy tales--the happy ending--is missed. It feels more like an older fairy tale, in that respect, but it also highlights the fact that from our modern perspective the tale feels somewhat incomplete.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 3:31 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
I would like to join the faction saying you do not make it clear that this is "Maral's copy".

I'll be completely truthful when I say that I have no idea how it is that you're all getting so hung up on what amounts to a FRAMING device.
This isn't a story. Everyone is overthinking it.
While there are little hints about characterization and **** in the framing device, that's not the point.

This is probably going to sound much harsher than I mean it (so please don't read too much into this) but I really have to disagree with you here. The way a story is presented is often as important as the story itself. Occasionally more so. Honestly, I think if you didn't want the framing device to have significance, then you shouldn't have used it. Whether you intended it or not, there is a strong subtext here that speaks volumes about an established M:EM character (Raleris) and your newly accepted one (Maral) that, as much as I do like the Hands, is more interesting than the object you are introducing. So I think you either need to accept the fact that you're telling more of a story than you meant to, or alter it so that you're not. That's my take anyway.

@The Coin: What I find interesting here is that we still know almost nothing about the coin. Did Tyson make it? Did he find it? Does it, like the Hands before them, have some sort of agency or agenda, and moved into a position to be given a body? We don't know. Even though it's the coin that is the vaulted artifact, the story itself was about Eirene and Tyson. So really, there's still a lot that no one seems to know about the object. Also, I would be remiss to not point out more apparent angst between Raleris and Maral coming through with Raleris's personal notes.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 3:53 pm 
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It's interesting, too, that beyond the description of "coin" we don't have a clear description of what the object looks like. It's a very particular choice of words with particular connotations, and it's interesting that one of the two characters now knows why that word was chosen while the other does not.

I like this structure a lot.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:14 pm 
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This is probably going to sound much harsher than I mean it (so please don't read too much into this) but I really have to disagree with you here. The way a story is presented is often as important as the story itself. Occasionally more so. Honestly, I think if you didn't want the framing device to have significance, then you shouldn't have used it. Whether you intended it or not, there is a strong subtext here that speaks volumes about an established M:EM character (Raleris) and your newly accepted one (Maral) that, as much as I do like the Hands, is more interesting than the object you are introducing. So I think you either need to accept the fact that you're telling more of a story than you meant to, or alter it so that you're not. That's my take anyway.

Honestly, I have no problem with people reading into it, the biggest issue is that nobody considered this was an omniscient collection and that it HAD to be one or the other. I hope with the coin and the fact that we have TWO excerpts/addendums, it makes it more clear that we're getting the absolute full view rather than an actual physical document. I chose the framing device to present some characterization, it was meant, but I had lost patience since nobody considered that were were seeing more than either of the parties involved.

Quote:
The Coin: What I find interesting here is that we still know almost nothing about the coin. Did Tyson make it? Did he find it? Does it, like the Hands before them, have some sort of agency or agenda, and moved into a position to be given a body? We don't know. Even though it's the coin that is the vaulted artifact, the story itself was about Eirene and Tyson. So really, there's still a lot that no one seems to know about the object. Also, I would be remiss to not point out more apparent angst between Raleris and Maral coming through with Raleris's personal notes.

Well, similar to how Maral expressed concern over Raleris's curiosity, we have a bit of a turnaround where more emotions are playing through the other way.
As to the coin, akin to Xantcha's heartstone, it might have been something before, but it is definitely a new thing now.
But yes, I left the coin's provenance purposefully vague. The fact that Maral, who is a pretty skilled metallurgist, can't identify what metal it is plays into that even further.

It's interesting, too, that beyond the description of "coin" we don't have a clear description of what the object looks like. It's a very particular choice of words with particular connotations, and it's interesting that one of the two characters now knows why that word was chosen while the other does not.

I like this structure a lot.
Part of that was on purpose, but part of it was also just that I couldn't find a place to put a description where it would feel natural.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 3:40 am 
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Because I ended up getting absolutely nothing done today, I'm going ahead and posting the next artifact because otherwise I'm going to go absolutely **** for having made no progress on anything that I should have.

This one is not a narrative based item, so prepare for some framing device!... not really.

The Darkmantle

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 7:49 am 
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[reads title]

[cracks knuckles]

[puts this on:



MY BODY IS READY!

Yeah having now read it I can definitely say that my decision to impose a metal soundtrack over the whole proceedings was 100% correct because that is the most metal artifact in Maral's collection so far.

While Maral doesn't suggest this, I find it interesting that the ability also seems rather similar to Dementia Casting, in that the monsters are born of the bearer's inner psyche, whether inner madness or inner malevolence. It almost makes me wonder what would happen if a Dementia Caster put the cloak on. But I'm not wondering THAT hard. (Particularly since I think there's still more we can do with Asher before we feed him to some hellish artifact.)


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 3:56 pm 
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The darkmantle is an interesting artifact. I somewhat wonder if this is a candidate for one of those artifacts Maral would rather destroy than keep around, though. I mean, she's wary of it, and hypothesizes that it was capable of facilitating its own escape at least once before. I doubt she wants to copy the thing, either. Just a thought.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 5:54 pm 
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The darkmantle is an interesting artifact. I somewhat wonder if this is a candidate for one of those artifacts Maral would rather destroy than keep around, though. I mean, she's wary of it, and hypothesizes that it was capable of facilitating its own escape at least once before. I doubt she wants to copy the thing, either. Just a thought.

This definitely is one that she wants to figure out how to destroy, but it is disturbingly resilient.
In this portion of her vault, there are basically two types of artifacts: Things too precious to leave in by themselves, and things too dangerous that she can't destroy yet.
She's very good at destroying things too, so that says a lot about the nature of these items.

Yeah having now read it I can definitely say that my decision to impose a metal soundtrack over the whole proceedings was 100% correct because that is the most metal artifact in Maral's collection so far.

While Maral doesn't suggest this, I find it interesting that the ability also seems rather similar to Dementia Casting, in that the monsters are born of the bearer's inner psyche, whether inner madness or inner malevolence. It almost makes me wonder what would happen if a Dementia Caster put the cloak on. But I'm not wondering THAT hard. (Particularly since I think there's still more we can do with Asher before we feed him to some hellish artifact.)

Wait until you run across the artifact that will call for Prog Metal.

Anyways, it does share a little bit with dementia casting I suppose, but the primary inspiration was from Riot Devil of course. As to what would happen if a Dementia Caster put it on... I have no idea but I doubt it would be good for anyone except the Darkmantle.

I hope the little touches about what the Darkmantle is responsible for added a little depth to it.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 6:29 pm 
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"Of course" huh? :P Not everyone has such a memory for flavor text ya know! That's a cool callback though. The Riot Devil reference I mean.

Yeah, the Dark Rabiah bit was interesting in particular.

Which reminds me: what's Rishima's status supposed to be? I wasn't sure and I keep forgetting to ask you.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 6:50 pm 
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"Of course" huh? :P Not everyone has such a memory for flavor text ya know! That's a cool callback though. The Riot Devil reference I mean.
I'm more efficient at searching flavor text than Gatherer at this point.
Quote:
Yeah, the Dark Rabiah bit was interesting in particular.
In my mind, there are about 3 really solid story hooks in this entry, and Dark Rabiah was one of them.
Quote:
Which reminds me: what's Rishima's status supposed to be? I wasn't sure and I keep forgetting to ask you.
I want people to use her, but since she's tied up, she sort of has some issues with just showing up.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 6:53 pm 
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So, should we put Public--In Use?


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 6:54 pm 
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So, should we put Public--In Use?
I guess? I dunno, I've always felt that the statuses were a little unintuitive.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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