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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 12:25 pm 
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Yup, I mean, it's pretty much impossible to not make it obvious with the way the archive is set up currently (which might be an unintentional bug? but then I'm not sure it's a bug that REALLY matters...)

Yeah, I kind of... didn't think that our current structure doesn't really allow for a lot of unknown plot twists and surprises. My Archive map isn't really officially part of the project, though, so some things can still be done in that way, I guess.

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 1:45 pm 
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Well, it's good to HAVE even if it might not be the best way to introduce people to certain stories/reading orders. I figure we can add sections in the archive for like... clusters of related material, since a lot of the clusters of shared characters are going to share certain themes as well. Like the Fisco Vane/Beryl cluster could be listed on the Wiki as a general reading order without necessarily knowing who is in what story in what capacity, unless they click on the specific character pages.


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 3:20 pm 
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This is a great story! I love Beebles! I mean, this story is good for more reasons than just that, but that's awesome. More stories need Beebles. This may seem odd, but it seemed to me that the aven felt older in this one than in Nightmares, which I read in prep for this one. I mean, I know he's not significantly older, I think you say two or three months, but he just felt older to me, for some reason.

I really like how "birdy" he was, though!

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 4:00 pm 
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Really, really glad to hear that he feels properly "birdy." I really want my nonhuman characters to feel significantly nonhuman, and I like spending time thinking through how nonhuman physiology paired with humanlike intelligence would work. (And nonhuman other things but we won't get into that on this board >_> <_< >_>)

The age might be two things: Kirsh seems a lot more, well, collected in this piece and capable of making key decisions under pressure (he panics a bit in DN) and, as others have pointed out, the language for all the characters becomes somewhat Raleris-like. I think the former is fine; I'll probably fiddle a bit with the latter to make it more consistent.

Thanks for reading and commenting! I also feel that more stories need beebles :P

(Also, for someone who was saying you wouldn't be able to give valuable commentary, you've sure been giving good commentary lately ;) )


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 4:05 pm 
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:blush:

I'm trying!

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 4:07 pm 
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Hehe well you're succeeding, I'd say.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 5:52 pm 
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Yoooooo guess what's finished!

Spoiler


Last edited by KeeperofManyNames on Sat Aug 02, 2014 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 5:53 pm 
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Spoiler


This got way out of hand, but I'm actually surprisingly pretty pleased with the middle section.


Last edited by KeeperofManyNames on Sat Aug 02, 2014 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:05 pm 
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Hey, Keeper. Just wanted you to know that I probably won't be able to get to this until tomorrow. Things are crazy around here, what with the possible tornados and all, but I will try to read this tonight or tomorrow. Look forward to it!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:23 pm 
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Thanks :D

There's no rush, since it probably will need a full re-read due to the extensive fiddling I did, and I know it's pretty huge.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:28 pm 
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Okay, I try to hold myself to a high level of maturity and (relative) professionalism, but I really can't resist applying some unnecessary censorship to that:
Thanks :D

There's no rush, since it probably will need a full re-read due to the extensive fiddling I did, and I know it's pretty huge.


:takei:


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:35 pm 
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Nah save that for when I actually get around to rewriting/transcribing that Jackie x Trotter story. ;)


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:39 pm 
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Nah save that for when I actually get around to rewriting/transcribing that Jackie x Trotter story. ;)

Sure, but that one is going to require REAL censorship! ;)


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:47 pm 
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Well if there's one takeaway from this particular story it's that I like describing things in a LOT of detail so...


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:48 pm 
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Haha, Raleris is adorable. So is Kirsh.

Anyway, I was able to read through the entire story without a horrible, jerking moment of disconnect halfway through! In fact, the read was exceptionally smooth. Instead of having to back out of the story and re-read several times, I could just submerge myself in the narrative (and Raleris' admittedly hilarious point of view) and coasted through the story on the coattails of your job well done!

So, yes, I like this.

One thing I noted is that, halfway through the second part, you used your old name for Lesale - Lusclelelaeeeezz or however you spell it.

Here:

Quote:
Vasilias is an ancient and powerful mage-king, indeed, with the mana of a whole pocket plane at his beck and call, not to mention the resources of Renn Winmoore and the elf Lusceleez. And I am a librarian.


and here:

Quote:
I shouted after him in horror, expecting him to be blasted by the energies that were now leaping from the pillars that he flew deftly through. As I watched, though, the bolts of magic struck him and glanced off. Ever industrious, he must have cast protection spells upon himself while I was in combat with Vasilias. He alighted on the sloping surface of the chamber's roof, snatched the book from where it lay with a static crackle of energy, and made to take off once more. In that moment, though, a small, steaming form staggered forth from within Lusceleez's smouldering, crucified wreckage.


Yeah, this was a great read. I'm glad we're moving forward with all these old characters we have, and I'm excited to see how the interact with all the new characters we've made! :D

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:08 pm 
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Wow, I even edited some of that second example and somehow forgot to change the name. Derp.

So all the stuff with the elves was ok? It didn't feel tedious? Tedium is not something I wanted to generate but I was afraid I had.

Also, for the record, I've got two other minor Raleris stories coming up... well, hopefully minor. After that, though, the field is wide open with him, and I have zero plans for Kirsh, Renn, Vasilias, or the incidental characters of Valjan. All of that is very much open. So if anyone else wants to play with these characters, definitely feel free!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:16 pm 
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Quite to the contrary opposite of tedious, actually! Raleris' dry humor and Kirsh's outrage at the long-winded elves was easily one of the most amusing parts of the story (of which there are many).

Definitely, definitely, reads better now!

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:23 pm 
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Yeeees :D

Writing for the elves was somewhere between amusing and tooth-grindingly frustrating so I'm glad it was actually enjoyable to read.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 11:38 pm 
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Okay, prepare yourself...

*takes a deep breath*

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBLES!

*gasps for air*

Keeper, I loved this before, and I love it even more, now. The elves are hilarious. The beebles are hilarious. The block of cheese - clearly the real hero of the story - makes an extra appearance. And it maintains all the things I liked so much about the original version.

Also, I can't remember if the timeline joke is new or not, but it made me smile.

I'm so glad that you put this piece together. It's a unique blend of humor, emotion, action, and adventure. It's wonderful.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 11:45 pm 
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The block of cheese - clearly the real hero of the story - makes an extra appearance.

Well, the Cheese stands alone after all.

So, despite how much we've talked recently, I feel absolutely terrible in the fact that I haven't gone through this yet.

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