(is it weird for anyone else that the hover-preview of threads reads through spoiler tags? Doesn't it kinda defeat their purpose?)
From reading the title, I honestly thought this would be the introduction of a certain undead minotaur or, failing that, something related to Fisco (title is a synonym of Paid in Full, where Beryloise - close to memory bc of Raven's latest story - also star). But this neat Jakkard scene wasn't a disappointment at all
There were, however, a few turn of phrases that threw me off a bit, though that might be just because I'm not familiar with them.
The first sentence made me first think of two women, to be fair - the other was Jackie. The second, however, puts any doubt to rest already without describing a single physical detail about her, which is one of the greatest assets of the piece - the Duchess' spotless
skin characterization.
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Her features had something of the djinn about them, but while they were almost always overly expressive
This was one of the line that I had to reread a bit. The first part is straightforward, although I was expecting it to end with "about her", as I'm used for that phrase to be used about an entire person/item rather than specific details. The second compounded my confusion because "they" might apply to either the djinn or the feature, but you last use "them" for the latter, so while the meaning is fairly obvious given the overall context I had some mind-stuttering around here. Again, given the context and the following words isn't hard to quickly piece together the intended meaning, but given how short and tidy this piece is I think it's fair to point out relatively small issues like these.
I love Kain as the shooter's name. Gunsmith Hours being called Abel was very funny - I don't think that tidbit was revealed before? Anyway, I loved Kain a lot, especially in the official introduction to his PoV at the beginning of the second section. The pawned gun story was great, and his overall feel serves as a hilarious counterpoint to Victoria's (lack of) expressiveness.
(wouldn't the plural be "willies", not "willy's"?)
The description of her body is also interesting, as most people who meet the Duchess are... distracted by things other than the shapes behind her dresses. If a down-on-their-luck Jakk speaks of starvation, they probably know what they're talking about, so I'm curious as to how that came to be, especially since I long had this niggling feeling Victoria's is not the original body of the Duchess: if my hunch is right, why would she choose a body carrying the signs of starvation? If it's not, is that a hint to her true backstory, or just an effect of either her mistreatment of or disconnection from her physical body?
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“I believe you felt that you had pressing business with me, but I do not recall having ever met you or doing anything that warranted such an interruption to my day.”
This is one of my favorite lines of the piece, probably THE favorite on Victoria's side. It nicely opens the section where she explains how unremarkable Kain's story was to her until he decided to step in her way... I wonder if she brain-wiped the other witnesses of the shooting or let the legend of her immortality circulate, btw. Drawing widespread attention to herself isn't really her style, right?
The poetic punishment is, of course, very fitting. Raiker himself would approve, methinks, if he could be bothered to be anywhere near a Chessmaster
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“It hasn’t gotten me killed so far.” Kain coughed slightly at that, uncomfortably aware that might change in short order.
Another great line, just saying
Another reminder Kain isn't the best at thinking ahead.
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"As you have interrupted my day and ruined my garment, there has to be some degree of recompense to even the scales. As you clearly have no money to address the matter, you will instead offer me a moment of brief amusement.
Oh, rereading this I really appreciate the first sentence, her bringing up the ruined dress out loud in addition to rubbing it in by changing in front of him. It hints at some faint attachment to it, and better justifies the ending. The repayment in "brief amusement" is also hella ominous as intended.
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He loved his brother, but in that moment, he prayed to the angels that they get to meet again in the afterlife.
Another beautiful line, the certainty Kain is headed straight for hell unsaid but clear as day.
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At least... Kain thought he'd gone deaf. He remembered how to breathe and lowered the gun, still stunned at the silence in the room, amazed that there had been no thunder as the bullet ripped through him.
I wonder... does the weapon being a
spellgun affect in any way Victoria's ability to meddle with it? Just a passing thought.
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"He apologized for ruining her dress."
Very nice closing line, hinting at some personal feelings beneath the inhumanly emotionless facade.