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 Post subject: [Story] World Wide Web
PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:40 am 
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Hello, everyone! So, I've been flying sort of silent recently, because of a combination of factors, but it's time to get back to it, and actually post something! Yay!

So, with that in mind, here is my latest story. This is probably the longest stretch I have ever worked on a single, non-collab short story. Again, the reasons for that are myriad, but I will say that I'm glad to get this one out into the aether, as it were.

So, whenever you have the time and the inclination, do please enjoy!

World Wide Web


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:58 am 
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It's funny, I was just wondering the other day whatever had become of those plans you had for this character.
I've given it a very very liberal skim, but hopefully sometime this week I'll sit down to really sink my fangs into it and give you a proper review.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 10:40 am 
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A good entry in Denner's continuing story. I like Lady Nasina and her spider motif, and I can't help but wonder if Denner has found a more permanent companion. I also like the sidequest of the war and its cause, though I feel it could have been fleshed out more. As it stands, the sides of the war felt a little one-dimensional, more like caricatures to make a point rather than real cultures.

Although Denner hasn't really come closer to finding a cure, I can see that the end of his story arc is in sight. It'll be interesting for Denner to interact with Fisco Vane again - especially considering the change that Fisco's recently gone through!

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:21 pm 
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Oh, man, the good stuff is piling up!

I'm going to get to this as soon as I can, Raven! Also, welcome back! :)

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:58 pm 
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So, I read this.

My only - ONLY - complaint is that the title is maybe just a little heavy handed, haha.

Thoughts in the spoiler.

Spoiler

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 10:41 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
It's funny, I was just wondering the other day whatever had become of those plans you had for this character.
I've given it a very very liberal skim, but hopefully sometime this week I'll sit down to really sink my fangs into it and give you a proper review.

Yeah, when you mentioned the arachne-walker in the Oceanic Bubbles thread back in October of last year, I already had the skeleton of this story in mind, although certainly not the specifics. But I knew that I needed SEVERAL things before I got there, including finishing WotW and setting up Dammerdall and Cyrryc Adda. So it took me much longer than I had anticipated to get around to her story. But I'm happy I was finally able to.

A good entry in Denner's continuing story. I like Lady Nasina and her spider motif, and I can't help but wonder if Denner has found a more permanent companion. I also like the sidequest of the war and its cause, though I feel it could have been fleshed out more. As it stands, the sides of the war felt a little one-dimensional, more like caricatures to make a point rather than real cultures.

Although Denner hasn't really come closer to finding a cure, I can see that the end of his story arc is in sight. It'll be interesting for Denner to interact with Fisco Vane again - especially considering the change that Fisco's recently gone through!

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. I actually limited the stuff with the war significantly from my original plan, because the story was already running a bit long for what I intended, and I didn't want to pull too far away from the point. That being said, I could certainly try to flesh it out a bit more, if people think it is important and/or useful to the story.

Oh, man, the good stuff is piling up!

I'm going to get to this as soon as I can, Raven! Also, welcome back! :)

Thanks! As always, I look forward to your comments!

So, I read this.

My only - ONLY - complaint is that the title is maybe just a little heavy handed, haha.

Yeah...yeah.

Thoughts in the spoiler.

Responses likewise!

Spoiler


Thanks, everyone, for reading and commenting! I absolutely appreciate it!


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 1:15 am 
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Reading this... I am missing some good stories here. Surprised it's taken this long for me to really start to take interest in this. Anyways onto what I think of this...

I really have a hard time picking anything I really dislike about the story. I too would like to see more of the Pyt and Pardusi fleshed out, it just didn't seem the place here. I almost missed the joke with the title, I literally got it while writting this.
Don't explain the joke!


That said, I like how this leaves hooks for a new reader to go back and read some of the older stories not just ignore them. Give them just enough to understand, but not write it all out.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:17 am 
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I liked the story. This was the first thing I read about this character (but I did look him up on the wiki) and I enjoyed him.

I agree with the criticism that the tribes could be fleshed out more, but it could also ruin the flow of the story. You're a better writer than I am, so you figure it out :-)

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:08 pm 
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Reading this... I am missing some good stories here. Surprised it's taken this long for me to really start to take interest in this. Anyways onto what I think of this...

Thanks for reading! And commenting!

If you're interested in reading more of Denner, his story chain basically goes like this: Tears of the Djinn ---> Kiss of the Shorecerers ---> The War of the Wheel (my novel) ---> Pick Your Poison ---> This story.

I really have a hard time picking anything I really dislike about the story. I too would like to see more of the Pyt and Pardusi fleshed out, it just didn't seem the place here. I almost missed the joke with the title, I literally got it while writting this.
Don't explain the joke!

Funnily, when I first conceived of this story, Lady Nasina literally had the entire plane covered in a web, making the title literal as well as metaphorical. I dropped that, but I still think the title fits.

That said, I like how this leaves hooks for a new reader to go back and read some of the older stories not just ignore them. Give them just enough to understand, but not write it all out.

I'm really glad you say that, because I'm never really sure how my stuff reads to newer readers. Because there is only a very small group of people who regularly respond to the stuff around here, I do tend to assume that anyone reading my stories have likely read most of my other stories, and indeed, most other stories produced by the M:EM. But I do try to make what I write accessible to everyone, I just don't know how successful it is. So I'm glad to get feedback on that! Thanks!

Yxoque wrote:
I liked the story. This was the first thing I read about this character (but I did look him up on the wiki) and I enjoyed him.

Glad you liked it, Yxoque! I'm surprised you hadn't encountered "Kiss of the Shorecerers" before. I like that one.

Yxoque wrote:
I agree with the criticism that the tribes could be fleshed out more, but it could also ruin the flow of the story. You're a better writer than I am, so you figure it out :-)

I'm a more prolific writer than you, but that doesn't mean better. Oh, by the way, we should continue work on Orphalaad at some point! That would be fun.

Thanks for reading!


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:02 pm 
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I really enjoyed this story, Raven! Thanks so much for sharing!

Barinellos wrote:
It's funny, I was just wondering the other day whatever had become of those plans you had for this character.
I've given it a very very liberal skim, but hopefully sometime this week I'll sit down to really sink my fangs into it and give you a proper review.

Yeah, when you mentioned the arachne-walker in the Oceanic Bubbles thread back in October of last year, I already had the skeleton of this story in mind, although certainly not the specifics. But I knew that I needed SEVERAL things before I got there, including finishing WotW and setting up Dammerdall and Cyrryc Adda. So it took me much longer than I had anticipated to get around to her story. But I'm happy I was finally able to.

I'm wondering if I saw that same post, because I had "spider 'walker" on my list of things to think about, too?

Or maybe it's just a sign that spider 'walker is a thing that needed to happen. :D

Anyway, I'm a big fan of Lady Nasina, and I'm hoping that we'll see more of her going forward.

#teamspiderwalker

It's interesting to see that Denner's maturation continues to proceed in fits and starts. The fact that Denner goes the extra mile to get to the bottom of the story here makes sense in terms of Denner's instinctive drive to know everything that there is to know, but, like Ruwin pointed out, it also suggests that Denner is thinking more and more about people other than himself. We saw him moving in this direction at the end of WotW and in PyP (because acronyms!), and the trend continues here.

On the other hand, Denner still can't help but devote his full attention to the female form. Oh, Denner...

I'm intrigued by Lady Nasina's hesitancy about giving out her true name. It makes me wonder where else she has been in the past, and what incidents she may have encountered along those lines. I usually associate that concern with demons or devils, so I'm interested in how other cultures might have attached similar talismanic significance to names. (Of course, Beryl would have a thing or two to say on this matter, so maybe I'm already thinking too narrowly about the subject.)

I think my favorite scene is Nasina chastising Denner for his reaction to the spider. It's a powerful little moment, seeing Denner -- who's used to knowing everything -- being reminded that he can't always understand other people's perspectives.

I actually limited the stuff with the war significantly from my original plan, because the story was already running a bit long for what I intended, and I didn't want to pull too far away from the point. That being said, I could certainly try to flesh it out a bit more, if people think it is important and/or useful to the story.

Speaking purely for myself, I think it's fine as-is. You move through that part of the story fairly quickly, but I think that's fine, because, like you said, the local politics on Oorkonde aren't really the main plot here. I was fine with the level of detail.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing, Raven! I'm a fan of this one!

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 1:49 am 
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I really enjoyed this story, Raven! Thanks so much for sharing!

Thanks! You're welcome!

Barinellos wrote:
It's funny, I was just wondering the other day whatever had become of those plans you had for this character.
I've given it a very very liberal skim, but hopefully sometime this week I'll sit down to really sink my fangs into it and give you a proper review.

Yeah, when you mentioned the arachne-walker in the Oceanic Bubbles thread back in October of last year, I already had the skeleton of this story in mind, although certainly not the specifics. But I knew that I needed SEVERAL things before I got there, including finishing WotW and setting up Dammerdall and Cyrryc Adda. So it took me much longer than I had anticipated to get around to her story. But I'm happy I was finally able to.

I'm wondering if I saw that same post, because I had "spider 'walker" on my list of things to think about, too?

Or maybe it's just a sign that spider 'walker is a thing that needed to happen. :D

Anyway, I'm a big fan of Lady Nasina, and I'm hoping that we'll see more of her going forward.

#teamspiderwalker

Glad you liked her. I had fun writing her, and like I've said, she's been in my head for nearly a year now (I don't remember exactly when I came up with the general idea for this story, but a year or so is probably pretty close.)

But hey, if you have a good spider 'walker character in mind, I think we can have two! We have two Aven! And two Humans! :paranoid:

It's interesting to see that Denner's maturation continues to proceed in fits and starts. The fact that Denner goes the extra mile to get to the bottom of the story here makes sense in terms of Denner's instinctive drive to know everything that there is to know, but, like Ruwin pointed out, it also suggests that Denner is thinking more and more about people other than himself. We saw him moving in this direction at the end of WotW and in PyP (because acronyms!), and the trend continues here.

On the other hand, Denner still can't help but devote his full attention to the female form. Oh, Denner...

I really enjoyed that scene. Lady Nasina's reaction to Denner's, uh, distraction, really amuses me. I also like the fact that she apparently already had the shirt made and ready for just such an occasion...

I'm intrigued by Lady Nasina's hesitancy about giving out her true name. It makes me wonder where else she has been in the past, and what incidents she may have encountered along those lines. I usually associate that concern with demons or devils, so I'm interested in how other cultures might have attached similar talismanic significance to names. (Of course, Beryl would have a thing or two to say on this matter, so maybe I'm already thinking too narrowly about the subject.)

This was playing into her trickster nature, which admittedly didn't really come across in this story much at all. But it is an aspect of her character that I hope to get to at some point in the future.

I think my favorite scene is Nasina chastising Denner for his reaction to the spider. It's a powerful little moment, seeing Denner -- who's used to knowing everything -- being reminded that he can't always understand other people's perspectives.

Mine, too. This was the moment that really stuck out to me. You know how you often talk about your stories forming from the grain of a single moment? This was sort of like that for me. It wouldn't be fair or true to say its exactly the same, because I did have other moments in mind beforehand, but that was the moment that really helped crystalize Nasina's character for me. She really does love her spiders.

I actually limited the stuff with the war significantly from my original plan, because the story was already running a bit long for what I intended, and I didn't want to pull too far away from the point. That being said, I could certainly try to flesh it out a bit more, if people think it is important and/or useful to the story.

Speaking purely for myself, I think it's fine as-is. You move through that part of the story fairly quickly, but I think that's fine, because, like you said, the local politics on Oorkonde aren't really the main plot here. I was fine with the level of detail.

Sounds good to me! There actually is a backstory to the whole war thing (a backstory to me having written it, that is) which I will perhaps tell one day. For now, I will leave it as a mystery...

oooooooooohhhhhhh!

:shifty:

Anyway, thanks again for sharing, Raven! I'm a fan of this one!

Glad to do it, glad to hear it! Thanks a ton for reading and commenting!


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 2:01 am 
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It's interesting to see that Denner's maturation continues to proceed in fits and starts. The fact that Denner goes the extra mile to get to the bottom of the story here makes sense in terms of Denner's instinctive drive to know everything that there is to know, but, like Ruwin pointed out, it also suggests that Denner is thinking more and more about people other than himself. We saw him moving in this direction at the end of WotW and in PyP (because acronyms!), and the trend continues here.

On the other hand, Denner still can't help but devote his full attention to the female form. Oh, Denner...

I really enjoyed that scene. Lady Nasina's reaction to Denner's, uh, distraction, really amuses me. I also like the fact that she apparently already had the shirt made and ready for just such an occasion...

One of these days Denner is going to run into Alessa and she's going to steamroll him.
He'll wake up in Tijuana with no passport, no money, and no pants.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:58 am 
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I really enjoyed that scene. Lady Nasina's reaction to Denner's, uh, distraction, really amuses me. I also like the fact that she apparently already had the shirt made and ready for just such an occasion...

I confess that, when she called for her spiders, I was expecting that they were going to spin something for her on the spot, rather than grabbing something from the closet.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2015 4:13 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
It's interesting to see that Denner's maturation continues to proceed in fits and starts. The fact that Denner goes the extra mile to get to the bottom of the story here makes sense in terms of Denner's instinctive drive to know everything that there is to know, but, like Ruwin pointed out, it also suggests that Denner is thinking more and more about people other than himself. We saw him moving in this direction at the end of WotW and in PyP (because acronyms!), and the trend continues here.

On the other hand, Denner still can't help but devote his full attention to the female form. Oh, Denner...

I really enjoyed that scene. Lady Nasina's reaction to Denner's, uh, distraction, really amuses me. I also like the fact that she apparently already had the shirt made and ready for just such an occasion...

One of these days Denner is going to run into Alessa and she's going to steamroll him.
He'll wake up in Tijuana with no passport, no money, and no pants.

Sounds like fun. Hopefully for Alessa, Denner doesn't get obsessed. He can always find her again, after all.

I really enjoyed that scene. Lady Nasina's reaction to Denner's, uh, distraction, really amuses me. I also like the fact that she apparently already had the shirt made and ready for just such an occasion...

I confess that, when she called for her spiders, I was expecting that they were going to spin something for her on the spot, rather than grabbing something from the closet.

I might change it to that before putting it up for vote. She might need more than two spiders, though. But hey, she's got a ton to choose from.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:14 pm 
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I might change it to that before putting it up for vote. She might need more than two spiders, though. But hey, she's got a ton to choose from.

I can sort of imagine this whole swarm of spiders crawling up onto her, and working together to spin this wonderful, intricate outfit.

And I can sort of imagine Denner watching that happen and feeling some... conflicting emotions.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 2:50 pm 
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I might change it to that before putting it up for vote. She might need more than two spiders, though. But hey, she's got a ton to choose from.

I can sort of imagine this whole swarm of spiders crawling up onto her, and working together to spin this wonderful, intricate outfit.

And I can sort of imagine Denner watching that happen and feeling some... conflicting emotions.

He'll have never wanted to be a tiny spider more in his life...


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 1:47 pm 
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I'm so glad to see Denner still surviving! And I want to point out that I called Denner calling in Fisco to deal with Cyrryc Adda after the last story.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 3:49 pm 
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Aaarrrgh wrote:
I'm so glad to see Denner still surviving! And I want to point out that I called Denner calling in Fisco to deal with Cyrryc Adda after the last story.

Thanks for reading! And yes, "surviving" is about the best our Mr. Fabellian can hope for, at least for the time being.

As for your prognostication, let's just say that we'll have to wait and see how things unfold for Denner. After all, things rarely go the way my characters expect.

On a separate note, I would like to say I'm a little surprised no one has mentioned the intertwined moons of Oorkonde. I bet Tamiyo would find them fascinating...

:D


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