on further consideration, I think "the agitator" sends a message that Milovic's views are extreme relative to the norm, setting up an expectation that Jestopher is simply refuting a radical. whereas "the commander" indicates that Milovic is a widely respected leader in his own right, with his own supporters. it's not perfect but I can't figure out a word that conveys warmongering, respect, and power all in one without feeling tacky so I'm just gonna leave it as-is unless someone suggests an option I missed.

I took one last stab at clarifying my intentions with the first chapter. I added a second paragraph before the dialogue. I don't know right now if it makes it better or worse, but that's what feedback is for right?



PS: reading through it again, I think better. one of my major concerns was it would clash with the later paragraph about Jestopher feeling things slip away from him, but reading through they're both separated enough and different enough to fit together, letting the latter serve as a continuation rather than repetition of the former. but then I'm biased 'cause I made it and all.

PPS: it does break up the structure a bit since the other days go straight into dialogue, but I don't think that'll bother anyone but me

Yeah I think it's in a good place now.

Aaaah it's good to see you joining us, Razorborne I've been periodically peeking at Ossia and thinking to myself "you know I should REALLY talk to them about submitting this to M:EM... I'll do it later, I'm 100% sure I'll remember to do this."

So uh I'm glad you didn't have to rely on me basically >_>

This is great though. I found it intriguing and moving. Granted, I went into it with some sense of the reversal that was coming, so it didn't come as a surprise to me, but to me it all fit together quite well. For such a short story the characters felt very well sketched out and dimensional and the glimpses we get of the wider world and the wider conflict are interesting as well. I'm excited to see what else comes from this setting.

CKY dragged me in kicking and screaming. or kind of nudged me, depending on your perspective, but I like the dragging thing more.

as for submitting the plane as a whole... I have a lot of backwork already done so I could throw together a dossier fairly quickly, but then I'd have to proof it all, since the whole thing was additively manufactured so there's some contradictions that need to be smoothed and later developments that could stand to be incorporated earlier... maybe I'll get around to it but the vignettes are just so much more fun.

thanks. I've written a draft of my next one, but I'm waiting to post it until this goes through voting so as not to spam the forums before I've even been approved.

Hey, pacing is good.

I do want to find the time sometime soon to go through the cards you've put together. The basic conceit of the plane seemed very interesting.

I'm definitely also curious how wolf society works since they're, you know, wolves. It has a bit of a Redwall feel in my mind but I'm still not totally sure how they actually build things. I assume magic helps though.

thanks. I'm pretty happy with it so far, I think it wound up as something really interesting. going through all the cards at once is probably a pretty daunting task, in that there's over 300 of them so far between the two sets, but if you want to take a look I'd be delighted.

honestly the question of how they build boats is kinda handwavy at this point, I haven't really thought about it and it's not a high-priority narrative question to me so it'll probably remain handwavy. other than that, though, they don't really build stuff, they live out in the open, or in some cases in caves. they don't really use weapons, since they've got fangs and claws already.

The story hints at some pretty interesting environs and politics, which I really appreciate, but honestly, it was the mild disconnect of alien viewpoint and humanity that oddly came together in the story. Which sounds somewhat paradoxical, but let me explain. For as odd as it is to imagine wolves doing a bunch of very mundane things, it comes across with a fair ease. They act human, so as a consequence, it lets you connect to them, but there's a certain novelty in picturing wolves doing it and you never quite forget that they are wolves. It reminds me favorably of the anime Wolf's Rain.

Which, truthfully, I hated for how meandering it was, but it did some interesting stuff and I feel like you did too. Except without the negative slog through snow that it ended up turning into. So, kudos on that.

Also, the entire concept of wolf pirates makes me have to post this:

...thanks I think?