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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 10:29 pm 
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Ahoy, mateys!

If you will join me below decks, I have a new tale to tell. This one is a story featuring Gale and Penelophine, and it is titled, appropriately enough, "The Sailor and the Siren."

Before I share the story itself, please allow me to render passing honors to Commodore Raven. He was generous enough to allow me to borrow one of his wonderful characters for this piece, and it was his mention of Penelophine which really put the wind into my sails in the first place. So I'll offer him a big token of thanks and a hearty salute as he breaks a bottle of champagne across the bow of this particular yarn.

As ever, I very much hope that you will enjoy this story. And, as ever, any thoughts, comments, or suggestions you may have are eagerly welcomed.

And, with that all out of the way, let's weigh anchor, and set sail!

The Sailor and the Siren

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"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green


Last edited by OrcishLibrarian on Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 2:05 am 
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Beautiful story.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 10:59 am 
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Thanks so much for reading, CKY, and for the kind words! I really enjoyed writing this story, so I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it!

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 8:18 pm 
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Thoughts


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:40 pm 
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@ Raven

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 11:04 am 
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This story works on two levels. It could well be an excerpt from a much longer tale, a chapter following a major event that's intended give the reader and character time to recuperate. In contrast to those sort of chapters, this one manages to blend character development with plot progression. Instead of moving Gale from A to B, there's more focus on her dealing with her grief while the transition happens in the background. On the other hand, this could also work as a character introduction. From the beginning we get a sense of what Gale's about and what it is that she's seeking.

The imagery is especially appealing. There's something about the seaside ruination and isolation that sparks my imagination.

My only critique is that there's a couple of instances where the descriptions sound awkward, as in "stultifying" skies and "lazy" raindrops. Otherwise, I would read more Gale tales.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 12:55 pm 
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I would read more Gale tales.

Oh, I can help you there!

The Wind and the Waves - Wherein Orcish introduces us to Gale!

Here, There Be Monsters - Wherein Gale runs afoul of, well, me, I guess...

Enjoy!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 5:01 pm 
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@ Heartless -- Thanks so much for reading, and for taking the time to share your thoughts! I hope that you enjoyed the story!

This story works on two levels. It could well be an excerpt from a much longer tale, a chapter following a major event that's intended give the reader and character time to recuperate. In contrast to those sort of chapters, this one manages to blend character development with plot progression. Instead of moving Gale from A to B, there's more focus on her dealing with her grief while the transition happens in the background. On the other hand, this could also work as a character introduction. From the beginning we get a sense of what Gale's about and what it is that she's seeking.

I'm glad that you felt like this worked, here. This story is the third Gale tale, if you will -- I see that Raven, being the ever-helpful soul that he is, already provided pointers to the other two up above. As such, the thing which mainly drew me to this moment was the interaction between Gale and Penelophine, and the focus stays pretty tight on them, with the exception of the ending. But this was also a chance to move Gale along a little bit, to free her from her planar purgatory and allow her to progress as a character a little bit. So, if it feels like this piece served both a character purpose and a plot purpose, then I'm super happy with that.


The imagery is especially appealing. There's something about the seaside ruination and isolation that sparks my imagination.

Something about that sort of coastal decay speaks to me, too.

I'll tip my cap to Raven, first of all, for creating Wreth in the first place, and imbuing it with this vaguely seedy sense of creeping decrepitude -- which I sort of cranked-up a little bit here, probably past what he had in mind. (Sorry, Raven!)

Honestly, as I was trying to imagine the waterfront in this piece, my mind went to one of my favorite poems -- "Belle Isle, 1949," by the (recently-deceased :( ) Philip Levine:

Quote:
We stripped in the first warm spring night
and ran down into the Detroit River
to baptize ourselves in the brine
of car parts, dead fish, stolen bicycles,
melted snow. I remember going under
hand in hand with a Polish highschool girl
I'd never seen before, and the cries
our breath made caught at the same time
on the cold, and rising through the layers
of darkness into the final moonless atmosphere
that was this world, the girl breaking
the surface after me and swimming out
on the starless waters towards the lights
of Jefferson Ave. and the stacks
of the old stove factory unwinking.
Turning at last to see no island at all
but a perfect calm dark as far
as there was sight, and then a light
and another riding low out ahead
to bring us home, ore boats maybe, or smokers
walking alone. Back panting
to the gray coarse beach we didn't dare
fall on, the damp piles of clothes,
and dressing side by side in silence
to go back where we came from.

I remember reading this poem in college, as part of the one creative writing class I ever took. And I remember that the other students talked about how repulsive they found the description of the river to be, with its "brine of car parts, dead fish, stolen bicycles, melted snow." And I remember sort of nervously clearing my throat and saying: "Actually, there was something oddly romantic about that to me." Because it reminded me of the rivers I remembered from growing up, which were full of -- wait for it -- car parts, and dead fish, and stolen bicycles, and melted snow. That description didn't repel me. It made me feel nostalgic.

So I kind of tried to reach for a little bit of that quality here, to make the dockyard seem very tatty, and very down-at-heel, and very muddy. But I didn't want to make the setting seem irredeemably awful. I hoped it might have the sort of tragic majesty to it which I associate with the Detroit River, and with Levine's poem.


My only critique is that there's a couple of instances where the descriptions sound awkward, as in "stultifying" skies and "lazy" raindrops.

Totally fair. Gale stories are sort of when I let myself just go nutso with the figuartive, descriptive language, because that's sort of how she sounds to me. And, sometimes, I get a little bit carried away.

I'll defend the lazy raindrops, because I think that's actually how Gale thinks of the rain on Wreth. It's timid, and lifeless, and lazy. To reference her thoughts from "Here, There Be Monsters":

Quote:
The rain continued on through the night and into the next day. As twilight approached, it grew in strength and intensity, until water was pouring down from the steel-gray heavens in a veritable sheet. It was a hard, driving rain, which stung eyes as it fell, soaked men to the bone, and filled the bilges of the Autumn Crane so quickly that the crew was pressed into double shifts at the pumps, lest the giant riverboat founder beneath the weight of accumulated rainwater.

Below decks, the hands spoke about the rain in hushed, superstitious tones. The younger mates called it the worst storm they had seen in their lives, and the older hands – usually quick to conjure up tall tales from their long, manufactured memories, all the better to keep the greener hands in line – made no effort to contradict their less-seasoned peers.

It had required great effort from Gale to bite her tongue from sunup to sundown, to suppress the urge to tell her mates that this rain was no real storm at all. A real storm meant wild, whistling winds, blowing in from all points, carrying the distant crackle of thunder. A real storm came with rain, to be sure, but not like the simple, straight rain which fell from the sky above the Autumn Crane. A real storm came with rain which rode upon the wind, so that it seemed not just to fall from above, but to fly in from all sides, and even up from below. A real storm could send your spirits soaring as high as the thunderheads, even as it struck fear into your heart. A real storm was vibrant, electric, and alive.

The rain that fell in buckets on the Autumn Crane was none of those things. It was heavy, leaden, and lifeless. And, in that respect, it was the perfect mirror to Gale’s feelings as she climbed the rope ladder to the crow’s nest, to assume the midnight watch.


But, yeah, "stultifying" is probably a bit much.

Again, thanks a ton for reading, Heartless!

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"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green


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