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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 4:00 pm 
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To which I must eagerly and wholeheartedly respond with;

:D

Magical weapons make me happy, ok? I just never get around to conceptualizing any. T_T

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 12:13 am 
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So, decided to go ahead and knock the last one out!
FtV Armory will probably get its own new thread once I'm in a spot to actually put them out regularly.

The Last of All

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 12:51 am 
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Chilling. I like it.

The only issue I have is with this sentence:

Spoiler


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 12:55 am 
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Chilling. I like it.

The only issue I have is with this sentence:

Spoiler

Yeah, I'm fully aware of how awkward that one is, but I tried to figure out how to fix it repeatedly and never got anywhere with it.
By all means, if anybody has a suggestion to fix it, I'm totally open to it.

So, with the last one there, I'm also going to ask people to rank their top five favorites. I have a feeling the Coin is going to be a leading contender.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:58 pm 
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Spoiler


Also, a ranked list is forthcoming, but I'm not sure when.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:19 pm 
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Okay, here is my ranked list. This is based mostly on a gut reaction at the time I complied it, and I might well change my mind if ever I were to rank them again, but for now, here you go:

#5


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 11:16 pm 
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So, as I've been working on the Armory, I've had these feelings of discontent over some of the artifacts I've already put together here.
The one that bothers me the most is the Soulstone, so I'm formally appealing to whoever wants to help me, to rewrite the ones that I feel are the weakest.

The core concept needs to remain the same, but I'm fairly unattached to details on the ones that I'm looking to alter.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 11:19 pm 
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What are the ones you want to fiddle with?


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 11:25 pm 
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What are the ones you want to fiddle with?

The Soulstone is at the top of the list. Reining in some of the abilities so that, while it does basically the same thing, it doesn't seem so all over the place, and the history it has needs some serious work, or just a complete rewrite.

The Hand of Light and Shadow probably needs a few turns of the crank to tighten things up.

The Archangel's horns could use some smoothing out in the history section, since it feels a little wrinkly in places.

Everything else I'm pretty satisfied with. The Soulstone, ultimately, is the problem child.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:11 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
The Soulstone



aaaaaand there we go. I think this works a little better than the previous iteration, tying some things together and streamlining some of the narrative, but let me know what you think.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 6:01 pm 
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Wow really like this.... the writing and the idea are both superb.... The Sword of Truth comes to mind from both the idea and especially the writing style !

What's a Ba(n)gel? A chest strap thingy?


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 6:08 pm 
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Wow really like this.... the writing and the idea are both superb.... The Sword of Truth comes to mind from both the idea and especially the writing style !

What's a Ba(n)gel? A chest strap thingy?

A bangle is sort of like a bracelet, usually metal, although I believe it could be any hard material. They're typically worn on the wrist, though you could also have bangles for the ankles.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 8:20 pm 
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Wow really like this.... the writing and the idea are both superb.... The Sword of Truth comes to mind from both the idea and especially the writing style !

Thanks, though I think the second series has more solid writing, though that's just because of the more personal nature of the pieces.

Still, glad that you liked it!

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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