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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 12:45 am 
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I've had this character for years now, and even though she's been the center of a lot of planning and work, she's never seen any of that come to fruition. It just feels wrong for someone with so much history to have never taken that last step, to see none of it bear fruit.

So I did this piece, which takes place between the larger arcs that she's got planned as an attempt to finally realize that long missing goal.

Spoiler


Also, I've posted this right now just to mess with Raven.
HAHA!

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 12:49 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
Also, I've posted this right now just to mess with Raven.
HAHA!

Sigh.

~Updates his "Need to Read" list...~


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:25 am 
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I'm going to read this tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it the way a starving man looks forward to a steak.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:42 am 
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An interesting story. It reads like the first chapter of a novel: you introduce a character, set up some plot hooks, and end on a note foreshadowing what is to come. There's nothing really striking about the story itself - nothing particularly significant happens – but I think you wrote this more as an introduction for Cara than a short story that stands on its own. In that respect, it succeeds admirably.

On Cara: I like the idea of a witch drawing from the culture of the British Isles. The sugar ring and the athame scream "Welsh witch" which is pretty cool. I love it when different cultures from the traditional fantasy milieu are represented in a story. One thing I didn't like was the paragraph solely dedicated to describing her appearance – I favor more minimalist, almost fairy-tale writing – but different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Overall, not a bad tale you've woven. I look forward to seeing what will become of Cara Holis!

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YMtC: My Deck of Many Things | NGA Masters | 2 | 3 | Roses of Paliano | Duel Decks: War of the Wheel | Jakkard: Wild Cards | From Maral's Vault | Taramir: The Dark Tide
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 12:54 pm 
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but I think you wrote this more as an introduction for Cara than a short story that stands on its own. In that respect, it succeeds admirably.

That indeed was the aim of the story, so I am glad that you enjoyed it!
She has a much larger number of arcs stretching in both directions, but they've been sitting around going nowhere for... a long time now, and as a result, she never did get her introduction into the archives.
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On Cara: I like the idea of a witch drawing from the culture of the British Isles. The sugar ring and the athame scream "Welsh witch" which is pretty cool. I love it when different cultures from the traditional fantasy milieu are represented in a story.
You've nailed it in one.
The amusing thing about it, though it didn't come out in any fashion in the introductory piece, is that while her magic is based in the Welsh, her native world is not.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:50 pm 
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This is a bit exposition heavy, but it's good. It's a good introduction to the character and the way she casts spells, drops hints as to some other stories, gives us a glimpse of New Benalia... yeah, I dug it.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 11:14 pm 
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"Who you gonna call?"

Well, well, well, this is an intriguing little number. I am very interested by Cara. The tattoos, in particular, are a neat angle which I will be excited to learn more about.

Would it be fair to say that she is a little agoraphobic? Being uncomfortable in a crowd could be due to plenty of other reasons, but I was kind of getting that vibe off of her as well.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 11:25 pm 
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"Who you gonna call?"

Well, well, well, this is an intriguing little number. I am very interested by Cara. The tattoos, in particular, are a neat angle which I will be excited to learn more about.
There's plenty there, believe me. I've been trying to get Cara into circulation for... years. >siiiiigh<
Just so many projects didn't manage to come together.
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Would it be fair to say that she is a little agoraphobic? Being uncomfortable in a crowd could be due to plenty of other reasons, but I was kind of getting that vibe off of her as well.

Maybe a little, but not as much as you might be picking up. She hates being exposed, and that is seriously compounded by being around people.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 12:49 am 
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I have now read this story, and I have to say, I like it a lot. Like, a lot more than I expected to. I absolutely love the way it came together at the end. As usual, you do an exemplary job of not only creating a unique way for a character to view her use of magic, but a unique way of showing that to us, the readers. Very well done.

And the ghost's prophecy? Brilliant. It sounds like the hauntingly familiar ravings of a madman. (I just want to add that that last sentence amuses me for several reasons). But yeah, very well done.

This kinda makes me want to get back to work on that other thing...


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 10:03 am 
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So can we expect another Cara story soon or is she rotated back down on the list now that this is out of the way?


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:46 pm 
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So can we expect another Cara story soon or is she rotated back down on the list now that this is out of the way?

She's sort of rotated back down, but only about midway down. I have at least 2 Alessa stories that I still have percolating somewhere back in the mind, Maral needs a little chance to stretch her legs, and I have this worldbuilding project that is absolutely DOMINATING my current creative output. It's running a lot of the CPU usage on my brain right now. I'm having to take it slow or my processors might overheat. Still, I'm really excited about it. And I could give you a reason why you might be personally excited about it too.

Anyways, I could move Cara up since she has a lot of stuff STARTED, and let Alessa rest for a bit, but that's only if there's a legitimate demand. Partly because I get the distinct impression that those Cara stories are going to weigh in at the 10k marks.

I have now read this story, and I have to say, I like it a lot. Like, a lot more than I expected to. I absolutely love the way it came together at the end. As usual, you do an exemplary job of not only creating a unique way for a character to view her use of magic, but a unique way of showing that to us, the readers. Very well done.

And the ghost's prophecy? Brilliant. It sounds like the hauntingly familiar ravings of a madman. (I just want to add that that last sentence amuses me for several reasons). But yeah, very well done.

This kinda makes me want to get back to work on that other thing...

I'm... really genuinely pleased Raven. Since this was a bit of a bare bones (no pun) introduction piece, it was more about getting the character out there and dropping some hints of stories, but I felt kind of blase about finishing it.
The thing that I was most pleased with was finding the way that Cara does her magic, because that is something of a specialty of mine. I mean, I have how many characters and none of them view casting in the same way? Definitely pleased about that.

And I still have all the materials for that other thing, if you really wanted to give it a shot.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 4:49 pm 
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All this talk of "That Thing" is verging on Peter Potamus territory.

"Did you get that thing I sent ya?"


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 4:56 pm 
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All this talk of "That Thing" is verging on Peter Potamus territory.

"Did you get that thing I sent ya?"

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirdman!

Damn but Harvey Birdman was a good show. To this day, I always approve of when Gary Cole shows up anywhere. Like, instant points.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 5:41 pm 
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That was a great show. It's a damn shame it went off the air. I want a recording of Phil's laugh just to play at opportune moments.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 9:20 pm 
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That was a great show. It's a damn shame it went off the air. I want a recording of Phil's laugh just to play at opportune moments.

I... MIGHT be able to get that for you.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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