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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 5:13 pm 
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Eyes and Memories


(The strange, strange bar on Bogardan is a bit of a reference to the first WotC flavor community, when the thread "Shadow's Bar", eventually made part of the Terisare City forum/group, was at one point the most heavily posted thread on all the WotC forums. Most of the facts about it are taken straight from that old place, doctored of course go be nonthreatening. Unless all of Bogardan is revealed to have literally vanished -- possible, what with phasing antics I suppose -- I don't see the nod being contradicted.)

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Last edited by Tevish Szat on Thu Jul 31, 2014 9:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 9:51 pm 
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Interesting. There's not a whole lot to this story, but the introduction of the new character is pretty interesting, and I like Aria's characterization here. Funnily, she seems like yet another of the young 'walkers trying to survive that we've seen recently, like Lia Xin and Lourima.

As a story, this is solid, but not mind-blowing. But I do like what you're doing with these characters, and I think this is a nice set-up for things to come.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 10:06 pm 
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Funnily, she seems like yet another of the young 'walkers trying to survive that we've seen recently, like Lia Xin and Lourima.

I now have a secret theory that Tevish is slowly assembling the characters for an interplanar, K-pop-style girl group.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 10:52 pm 
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I admit this is a very small story, in many ways just a setup for the Rebuild of Aria

I deny any intent to start an interplanar girl's band, but I'm sure the random plot generator will disagree with me.

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 9:38 pm 
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Preferred Pronoun Set: zie/zin/zir/zirs/zinself
I like a lot of what you're doing with this. In particular, the sheer oddity of the thing is great--the setting and the characters are all well off the beaten path in a way that I find very exciting. I like Mari Gwyn's voice and characterization a lot. She feels properly unicornish. And I like what this sets up for Rebuild of Aria 1.11: You Are (Not) Alone. (Sorry, couldn't resist that joke.)

But there's some things I'm not sure are quite working yet. It's very dialogue driven but I don't have a strong sense of Aria's voice, and I don't have a strong picture of how she navigates space and interacts with the world around her. I'm also feeling like maybe there needs to be a bit more within the story itself to explain why Aria is so neurotic about her inhumanity despite being, as you put it, in a bar run by a shadow. That feels a little off to me.

Basically, I think in places this just feels a little slight and could use fattening up. I think it'd be worth doing so, though, because it's a fascinating setting, with fascinating characters, and it sets up some potentially cool things for the future.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:57 pm 
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Note to self: Need to touch this up and submit for voting.

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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