The Hermit's Headache

Not long ago, I left my life,
The world I used to know,
I parted with my friends and wife,
For where the pine trees grow,

I could not stand the tedium,
Which tried to crush my heart,
I need a greater medium
Expressing Nature's art.

And so I found this sylvan glen,
A tranquil thicket, too,
As darkness fell upon my den,
What peacefulness I knew!

But in the morning came the change,
How soon, my plans unfurl!
A sound awoke me, loud and strange,
The Chatter of the Squirrel!

I thought that I was going mad!
Was this some kind of test?
My home was placed with luck so bad,
Quite near a squirrelly nest!

My head was throbbing from the sound,
I stood, but feared I'd fall,
I tried to wrangle them around;
They would not heed my call.

I tried to gather every nut,
To harvest all their food,
I'd hoped it make them scamper, but
Instead it fouled their mood!

They swarmed from places where they hide,
To stop me at my job,
It was as if their liege had died,
They way they formed that mob!

I ran away through branch and vine,
My head still pounding so,
Until I came upon a shrine,
From centuries ago.

That night I dreamt as fears increased,
My mind would thrash and twirl,
For I was chased by such a beast,
A seven story Squirrel!

The beasts awoke me come the morn,
My head was still in pain,
It felt as if my brain was torn,
I feared I'd go insane!

The day wore on, as did the noise,
I thought about my past,
I was a tinker, building toys,
But here, I'll never last!

A sudden thought occurred to me,
A crazy, desperate thought,
I had to kill my enemy,
With anything I've got.

I'd built a model once, a war
Machine from that old world,
Perhaps I could use that before,
I'm killed by being squirreled!

I worked for days and nights on end
And hummed my battle cry,
I forged a catapult to send
An acorn volley high!

The day had come, I hunkered in,
Next to my ammunition,
I was prepared to fight and win,
This battle of attrition!

But every time I'd hit a squirrel,
Another one would rise,
No matter how the nuts I hurl,
That monster never dies!

So I gave up, and in a bit
The squirrels and I arranged
A certain truce, which I admit,
May seem a bit deranged.