Tethmos High Priest

I

When word came that the Akroan phalanx was spotted, Lago looked almost too eager. He had never been in a fight before and wanted to prove himself. To me, to himself, to the pride. When we were younger, he often told me he hoped there'd be a war. I don't think he realized what war actually meant. I don't think he ever did.

He came into my tent before he and the rest of the soldiers moved out, looking for my blessing. He looked handsome in his blue battlecloak and his wide round mane, which usually just made his face comically circular, made him look larger and fiercer.

"Please be careful," I told him. His smile widened. "Why should I? I have you to fix me up when things go badly." He tried to joke about it, but I know he was serious. I cautioned him again. "Do you really want a novice pulling out Akroan bronze?" He didn't reply. He just kept smiling and his paw was thumbing the handle of his ax. He was too ready for a fight. I couldn't reason with him when he was like that. Lago went to join his war band and I met up with my fellow novices, preparing to heal the inevitable wounded.

They returned - he returned - victorious. They had routed the Akroans. I only later realized how impressive this was. Akroans have always been known for their tenacity. Even us leonin had to acknowledge as much. Lago was brought into our tent. He had a large, but superficial wound on his forehead and a huge cut on his left arm. Ignoring the orders given by the high priest, I set to examining the wound on his arm, looking for stray bronze or dirt or any other sign it might infect. I don't think Lago noticed. He was loudly telling everyone in earshot about their skirmish. "Those Akroans didn't stand a chance. We hid in the high grass. They passed right by us. Never even saw it coming. Didn't even have the time to invoke their precious Iroas." He started gesturing widely and wanted to relive a particularly impressive duel. Pressing him down on the bed, I whispered: "Be still now. I'll have you patched up in no time. You can tell me all about it tonight." I moved my hands back and forth over his arm and with a golden glow his skin, muscle and bone started to meant. I deliberately slowed the whole thing down. I knew he wanted a scar to remember his first fight.

II

"You want me to do what?" I realized I was yelling, but Lago's proposal was insane. "I'm not a warrior," I continued, "I wouldn't know the first thing about a battlefield."

"Calm down, Herataz," he said softly. He pushed his forehead against mine, softly. "It's not my idea. It comes from Brimaz himself. The world is growing more dangerous and he needs a war band to deal with that. We both know, and so does Brimaz, you are calm and intelligent enough to be a part of this."

"I just don't know, Lago," I spoke softly. "I already die a little every time you come home wounded. I don't think I could stand the sight of you getting run through by a minotaur." I choked up. I wanted to say: "What if you die?" but even thinking about those words was too hard.

"That's why we need you," he replied. "You are the best healer of the pride. Even the high priest says so. Brimaz knows your name, Herataz, and it's not just because you such a pretty mane." He grinned. I knew I had lost the argument at that grin. "Fine," I relented and pulled him in closer. "As long as I have a strong and handsome soldier by my side, I'll be fine."

III

I still didn't like the sight of battle, but I couldn't ignore that being a part of the king's vanguard hadn't honed my skills. I could mend wounds faster than anyone I knew. Harnessing the golden power of the sun came natural to me and if the fighting ever stopped I would perform the rites that made me high priest.

I wasn't the only one who had improved. The minotaur tribes were becoming more and more brash and the constant battle had sculpted every member of Brimaz's elite fighters into perfect soldiers. Lago's muscles looked as if they were carved out of marble. Felt like it, too. He know handled his ax as if he were born with it and everyone was glad to have him by their side.

That day we were protecting a mountain pass. Scouts had reported a horde of minotaurs who had joined with some humans under Mogis's banner. At the same time, we needed grain for our stores in Tethmos. Summer was ending and we couldn't afford to wait. We knew the horde was coming our way, so we had build a simple wall out of wood and mud. This way, we could direct the flow of battle and give the farmers a few more moments to flee towards our den.

We waited. Midday came and we were still waiting. We hadn't received any word of our scouts, so killed some time by carving our history into the wall. Evening came and the horde hadn't reached us. By then, we had received message that they were definitely still heading our way, they were just being slow about it.

By sundown, we spotted them. A group of humans and minotaurs covered in skulls, bones and untanned skins were rushing toward us from the plains. At the same time, we saw two more groups barreling down the mountain slopes. They had trapped us. Our commander was quick on the uptake. He immediately barked the necessary orders. Two messengers took off towards Tethmos and the rest of us fell into our usual formation. I looked towards the last rays of the setting sun, hoping to gain some extra power for the impossible battle ahead of us. Then I looked towards the stars, cursing the gods. They were responsible for the increased aggression. The enemy was only a handful of heartbeats away from us. I readied my staff. I was ready. Lago and me exchanged one last look.

They hit us full-force. Our meager wall was trampled immediately. The two dozen leonin soldiers that made up our warband moved in unison, keeping me and the other cleric safe in their midst. The first wave of enemies hit us, but we didn't give. Wave after wave was cut down. I was healing wounds the moment the enemy's weapon broke contact with my allies' skin. But it wasn't enough. There were too much of them and not enough of us. All we could hope for was to hold the horde back long enough for Tethmos to organize a counterattack.

Lago did an amazing job protecting me. By the end, he had lost his ax and was attacking minotaurs and humans with his bare claws. Amazing as he was, it wasn't enough. He was struck by three weapons at once. Stabbed by one minotaur's sword, gored by another and stabbed with a spear by one of the savage humans. I tried, but I couldn't heal him. The damage was too much. Angered, I clubbed the human with my staff and stabbed one of the minotaurs with the pointier end of the weapon.

Then everything went calm. I didn't notice the battle anymore. I felt the wind blowing in from our farmland. I saw the silhouette of Mogis in the stars, looking down at us. I heard the battle roar of my pride, coming from the mountain pass. I looked up and saw reinforcements storming down the mountain. A rush of fur, bronze, claws and fury came to my aid, led by king Brimaz. His crown reflected the light of torches and stars, giving him a mythical look.

I came to my senses. The sight of my pride seemed to increase my power. I tried healing Lago again. It felt different, but it worked. He pushed the spear tip through his body and shoved a minotaur's body of himself. Immediately he went back to fighting, working to protect me from the enemies that still surrounded us. I wanted to use my newfound power on our warband's commander, but it felt like trying to lift a stone a couple of times too heavy. Try as I might, I couldn't do it. I looked around panicky, until my sight fell to Brimaz who was now fighting very close to me. He paused for a heartbeat and gave me a curt nod. I revived - no, I resurrected - most of my warband. A few of them, I just couldn't manage. Again, the feeling that they were, somehow, too heavy. The fighting went on for a long time after that and I kept healing the wounded. Brimaz's reinforcements had brought several priests with them and the soldiers were quick to establish a perimeter that was relatively safe for us. Whenever one of us fell, I tried to give them their life back. Exhausted, I nearly collapsed, but Lago was by my side. He caught me and told me the battle was almost over. That I reduced the casualties to a minimum.

The morning after, I woke up. Still sore from the previous day, pain running through both my body and my mind. Lago was setting next to me. He pulled me in close, as much for my sake as his. We both needed comfort. I traced his body, as I often did. It felt different. The many scars he had collected over the course of many battles were gone. Only the scar on his arm was still there.

IV

The Akroans were planning a final push against the forces of Mogis. Somehow word of their plans had come to Oreskos, and Brimaz had decided to send his elite forces to join them. There were more of us now. We had enough soldiers to rival an Akroan phalanx. We had more priests as well, and I had taught them everything I knew. Some of them would one day transcend my abilities. Under Lago's leadership, our efforts had made Oreskos almost free of minotaurs and other monsters. We were unstoppable. The Akroans were lucky to have us.

The gates of Akros were only reachable by going over a narrow bridge. The idea was simple. The Akroans were confident they could lure a huge part of Mogis's army towards their gates. From their, they would stand fast, forcing the minotaurs and their allies to advance few at a time. Our task was to hide across the bridge, wait for the minotaur army to pass and attack them from behind. This would force them towards the bridge, and the cliff the bridge spans. We were ready.

Shrouded in stars, Mogis's horde past us. Through trumpet blasts, the Akroans gave us updates on the battle. One blast. The first minotaurs had reached the gates of Akros. I looked at Lago. Handsome as ever. We were all wearing the same battlecloaks, but it looked more fitting on him, somehow. He had used oil to make his mane more fearsome. More like Brimaz's. I had teased him about it. Told him it looked ridiculous. Seeing it here, on the cusp of our battle it worked though, and I regretted not following his example. Two blasts. The bridge was filled with minotaurs. It was almost our moment. I locked eyes with Lago. "Be careful," I whispered. He grinned. "Why should I? I have you to fix me up when things go badly." He looked away. Ready to lead his troops.

Three blasts. We charged down towards the enemy. Despite our battle roars, they were caught completely by surprise. Their rear guard consisted mostly of Nyxborn and we hard little trouble dispatching them. Black, star-filled smoke filled the battlefield. "On me. We move forward!" Lago shouted. We pushed forward but by now, Mogis's forces had noticed us and they were fighting back. Our soldiers kept moving, hacking their way forward in the full confidence that we'd keep them alive. And we did. Our golden light pierced the darkness of Nyx, healing the cuts and bruises our soldiers suffered.

I'm not sure what happened next. It could have been minotaur magic, or maybe Mogis himself intervened. Our front line exploded. Our remaining soldier were quick on their feet and they made sure us clerics could reach the wounded. Or the dead. Amongst them was Lago. My Lago. I had seen his motionless body a couple of times before, but it never got any easier. I had brought him back just as many times and he was content joking about it, but I had to witness his broken body every time. I ignored everything else and set to working my magic. It. It didn't work. I tried everything I could think of. I tried to evoke the power I got from the pride. From Brimaz's approval. I tried remembering the wind coming of our farmlands. No matter what I did, his life felt too heavy to lift. A golden glow surrounded me, as my acolytes went to their task, reviving the other fallen soldiers. I kept trying, kept sending golden rays towards Lago's body. Slowly, my magic turned into the color of the setting sun. All I could do was weep.

V

"Apologies, my king, that it took me so long to get to the point. I wanted Lago remembered as he was in life, not just in death. I hope you understand why I can no longer be part of your vanguard. I have trained other clerics. I made myself replaceable. I want to return my blue cloak and thank you, my king, for giving me the opportunity to serve the pride. To hone my skills."

"I will leave Oreskos. I will find a way to get Lago back. If my magic cannot do it, I will find something that can. I will face down gods if I have to."

"I'm sure you understand, my king. You have fought against tyranny all your life."

This is a story that does the impossible: a story that makes me give a crap about Zendikar.

This is the winning story for this week and I think it's fairly easy to see why--it's engrossing and disturbing in some really excellent ways, there's a wonderful integration of exposition and action here in a way that feels very natural (the number of entries this week that stumbled on that front testify to how difficult pulling off those transitions is!), and the ultimate encounter where your protagonist Faces the proverbial Thing That Should Not Be is fascinatingly done.

There's a few places towards the end here where things get a little clunky. Like your recent Wind and Void, I think you lean a little heavily on Meaningful Words--there, "a certain spark," here, "betrayed." In fairness though the card doesn't give you a whole lot of latitude to work name-wise... and really that's the only criticism I can level at the piece.

Well done.

I think that this could have been, to its detriment, very preachy and didactic, given the subject matter. You steered clear of those pitfalls entirely, however, producing a story grounded strongly in, I think, love--both of another person and of a community as a whole. It's an excellent encapsulation of white values that still could be seen as running counter to a lot of white-aligned cultures and beliefs that we've seen in the game up till now, while always balancing this with your narrators doubts, fears, and confusion about (his?) newfound powers. I've gotten flack before for describing nonhuman characters this way but screw it, I think the best word for this story is that you've imbued your character and your conflict with a strong sense of humanity.

If I can criticize this at all I'd say that sometimes it feels like it could have used a little more polish, and sometimes your descriptions of the magic are very overt and mechanistic--he's drawing strength from the pride so you just have him talk about drawing strength from his pride. It's not that directness is necessarily a bad thing but occasionally it does feel a little like just a translation directly of the card mechanics.

Beyond that though this like being served dinner at the Sarkhan Vol Steak House: it's very well done.

Ah, The Good Pontiff returns!

I'm a big fan of this character and I liked this story, but I think it lacked something of the nuance of the original. It's very serviceable, don't get me wrong, but I felt like we got less of a sense both of Zachari's quite remarkable penchant for profitable schemes, and less of a sense of, well, a narrative to this. Some stuff happens but I don't think we're given a full story, exactly...

That said, there's some great moments in this. The construction of the wings from the shattered glass is great, the way Zachari is up front in his internal monologue that if he COULD wipe the Gruul out he WOULD (he's not a nice guy even if he's a Good Pontiff!), the fine balancing act between beneficence and propaganda that is the Alms Beast... it all adds up to a pretty great exploration of the Orzhov, even if there's not a lot going on as far as the plot is concerned.

This feels like a piece of a larger puzzle that maybe has yet to even be conceived--good at what it is but perhaps in need of some more story to give it context.

I don't have a lot to say about this piece. There's places where it's a little clunky, where you sort of rattle from one idea to the next in succession so quickly that it sort of jolts you out of the mood... but at the same time, by the end of the story you've got such a sense of gross dread hanging over the story that it ultimately works quite well. I think honestly the main thing this story could use is a greater amount of setup--a little bit more time spent lingering at the beginning to really draw out our sense of what's happening and our sense of the characters to make the impact of the body horror stuff later more significant.

My only other critique is that I think you're setting up this idea at the end that she's going to use him as a puppet of some sort which feels... almost extraneous to the narrative as a whole? It feels like an afterthought that's less well woven into the narrative as a whole.

Nevertheless, an effective piece of horror that went in a very interesting direction with one of the more blunt cards in this week's set.

I have to give you points here for taking a fairly straightforward card (it would be easy to just do an adventure story with this) and turn it into a commentary on Esper society. It's a cool move, and it's cool that you have your character realize her need for something beyond artifice, a need for flesh and life, through the interaction with a world characterized by death and decay. That's a fascinating thing you've got going there.

That said, I found the naming conventions of greek letters to be distracting, and the categorized expressions thing felt a little bit over the top. It's an interesting idea but I think in execution it fell a little flat for me. I think it could be developed maybe into something solid but it was stilted enough that I found it took away from the impact of what was going on, and it was hard to really feel the development of Zeta's character because it was hard to get into her esperite headspace to begin with.

That said, this definitely gets points for attempting something quite complicated and interesting, even if I think it didn't quite hit the mark in the end.

At its strongest there's some great imagery here. At its weakest there's some pretty clunky transitions. For example, your description in the beginning is excellent, but the jump into her past felt a little contrived and abrupt to me, particularly since she apparently walks right up to Urabrask and starts spitting flames. You go from a really quite sublime image of perceptions beyond the human to something that feels kind of cliche and Sueish to me.

There's similarly some turns of phrase that kind of ring discordant to me. "... the praetor of unity had that figured out for the rest of all life" for example stood out to me as difficult to parse in a way that interrupted an otherwise quite good flow.

There's a few other points of confusion narratively where I think you're failing to provide context for some of what's going on but none so great, I think, as the name thing. On the one hand, I see what you're doing with the priest being nameless and then being named as punishment, and there's something very interesting going on there, but at the same time I feel like there's not enough work done to establish what the Orthodoxy thinks of names and what in particular makes that name a punishment. There's this inkling of a thematic parallel but it comes across to me as a non-sequitur.

Those criticisms aside, while this is a short piece it's an effective one and, maybe more importantly, you took a straightforward card and zigged where I think it would have been more intuitive to zag, writing a horror story from the perspective of an entity that many would describe as already monstrous. With a little more care in your setup and word choice this would be a very strong piece.

Oh and style points for searching for other artwork to introduce!

A funny story for a funny card. I like this a lot. You do a good job of tying mechanics to narrative here and it definitely had me grinning and chuckling at points.

That said, I think you could work on phrasing and proofreading. Right now things are a little choppy, sometimes you've got homophones mixed up or word choices that aren't ideal, and your sentence structures are sometimes a little inelegant. I'm not entirely sure why the Eldrazi is so interested in the box or why it doesn't take it, outright, at the very beginning--I see what you're doing comedically but I think you could make the slapstick going on here a little more plausible. It feels like some of the Thief's antics from The Thief and the Cobbler might work here--rather than the Eldrazi pausing maybe having it go for the box but due to Kat's bumbling she manages to avoid death and activate the box accidentally?

Nevertheless, this is solid comedy and I think you have good instincts for what's going to work and be funny in a story like this.

One downside of a contest like this that I... really should have seen coming, honestly, is that I do have to pick a last place entry, even out of a range of entries that are, on the whole, very, very good. This week, this happens to be your entry, but I don't want to seem like that's a judgment that the piece is bad--far from it! I think there's a lot of great stuff going on here. You do some great lorebuilding here with the construction of the artifact and the dire situation of the last days of the war, there's some good weight to the events here, and above all else you actually made me care about the Mirrans which is impressive in itself. I think by the end of the story I was fairly well convinced of your protagonist's claim: that the Mirrans were, in their time, capable of some pretty amazing stuff.

That said, I think the language and the pacing in the story couldn't quite keep up with the concepts. You have a whole bunch of ideas here and the story feels like it could easily be three times as long with some time spent building up the tension. There's a few places where your tenses jump around and switch, and sometimes it feels like you've more sketched out a narrative rather than fully told a story. I don't know that every event has to be described in detail but, for example, what if the elf archer's desire to barrel back into the Tangle seeking revenge has been shown in more detail with dialogue and a description of the others holding him back? It's just an example but I think it's the kind of thing that could add a lot of weight and intensity to what you've got going on here.

I honestly would suggest that this could be developed further into something a little larger and more meaty, and that trying to develop it further would be worth your time.

Major respect for choosing what I think is a quite challenging card and for developing it into something that at the very least is an interesting start, even if it ultimately needs a bit more polish.

Those are all valid points. I realized far too late that the story was too complex for the time and energy I had available to create it. The problem was, as you mentioned, that I had a lot of interesting scenes and concepts, but it turned out to be blasted difficult to turn them into a cohesive story. I also put myself in a bit of a corner by choosing to write it in the first person. I still think that was the right decision, but it made it so much more complicated. If time and energy allows, I might revisit it at some point. Either way, I enjoyed writing it, so I would still consider it a mission accomplished.