I think King of the (garbage) Hill would be a better title... but good idea.

Here is the deck I'm submitting.

4 Forbidden Orchard
2 Flare
4 Torpid Moloch
4 Wooded Foothills
14 Mountain
1 Gruul Guildgate
4 City of Brass
3 Mana Confluence
4 Crackling Perimeter
2 Rustspore Ram
2 Creepy Doll
2 Sawtooth Thresher
4 Aftershock
2 Into the Maw of Hell
4 Winter Sky
4 Barrage of Expendables

I just have to say that I love this thread. I think we're on to a real winner for "Format of the year" here. It's an entirely new challenge making deck as awful as possible. That said, I submit this monstrosity;

4 x Electric Eel
2 x Fugitive Wizard
4 x Kruphix, God of Horizons
2 x Security Detail
3 x Horror of Horrors
4 x Fireforger's Puzzleknot
4 x Psychotic Haze
2 x Cut the Earthly Bond
4 x Trip Wire
2 x Mana Matrix

3 x Adarkar Wastes
4 x Flooded Strand
4 x Skyshroud Forest
4 x Yavimaya Coast
14 x Swamp


I'm pretty sure it ticks all the boxes. 10 creatures (4 of the same legendary that can only attack if you can get 5 of the remaining 6 creatures down, all of which are 1/1's, and all of which are going to hurt you because all the mana is pain)

10 other sources of damage (premium burn in the form of puzzleknot (which can be cast, but the second mode can't be used to get an additional damage, making it 1 damage for 2 at sorcery speed), psychotic haze (at the even more premium 4 mana for 1 damage, including to yourself and all your creatures (hope you didn't have 2 of those blue dudes out, or kruphix can no longer ever attack) and the security detail creates 1/1s, but only if you hurt yourself for 3 first. And then you can't use it again until the creature dies.

Excellent removal in the form of trip wire and cut (I wasn't sure if the puzzleknot/haze counted, as they can both technically do damage to creatures, so I played it safe and kept 6 distinct removal options).

The rest of the deck is jank that does nothing but meet requirements for 6 drops and colourless stuff, or a useless enchantment to push my black mana count up, justifying the 14 basic swamps. You also didn't say the fetches had to be able to find anything relevant sooo....

I'm amused by the red activation costs with no red sources. Bounce has been ruled above as not removal, so Cut doesn't count for that, but you have enough Haze and Puzzleknot to meet that requirement. However, I call foul on counting Flooded Strand as a source, particularly with no Islands anywhere in the deck.

Then again, even with that issue I'd be happy to pilot it against this:

Lands
4 x Cabal Pit
7 x Island
2 x Marsh Flats
4 x Phyrexian Tower
7 x Plains
2 x Polluted Delta
4 x Tarnished Citadel

Creatures
3 x Ball Lightning
2 x Earthen Goo
4 x Force of Nature
4 x Groundbreaker

Other
4 x Armageddon Clock
2 x Carnage Altar
4 x Fatal Mutation
1 x Fiery Justice
2 x Hellfire
1 x Malicious Advice
3 x Reckless Assault